


Ten Ways to Piss Off Dad

by Black_Pannther



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:43:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7890556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Pannther/pseuds/Black_Pannther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean are always coming up with creative ways to piss off their dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just One Sip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean decides to sneak one of his dad's beers but Sammy wants just one sip or so he says.

Twelve year old Sammy is sitting on the bed opposite from his sixteen year old brother Dean. They are staying at the comfort inn on the outskirts of Nebraska, something about being on a hunt for the Blair Witch, it’s not just a movie, Explained their father. He went to a the woodsy area part of the camp to hunt her down and burn her at the stake like they did in the mid evil times. She was over 1000 years old and still alive and kicking, torturing campers. Someone actually had enough balls to video tape the entire scene before meeting their demise along with their hiking buddies.

Dean made his way into the rented fridge, quietly pulled the door open and plucked out one of their father’s beers. He won’t notice just one being missing. “Can I have a sip?” Asked Sam as curiosity rested in his eyes. 

“Nope.” Said Dean. “You’re way too young.”

“Well you’re too young too.” Argued Sam. “Come On, Dean. Pleeeeease?”

Dean rolled his eyes and relented. “Alright, Sammy. Fine. Just one sip. Dean tipped the beer bottle slightly forward towards Sam’s lips. Sam took a tiny sip allowing some to dribble on his chin.

“Geeze Sammy. Do you need a bib or something?” Dean joked, a hint of laughter lingering in his voice. “Maybe dad bottle broke you a little too soon.”

“Eat me.” Came Sam’s angry but girly retort.

Dean just snickered bringing the beer bottle back to his own lips.

Sam still licking the lingering beer from his own mouth decided to chance it. “Can I have another sip?”

“Hell no. I said one sip and that was it.” Dean was not about to allow Sam to disarm him with his famous puppy dog look. Not this time. No way.

“Fine, but if you don’t then I’ll tell dad that you had a beer and you gave me a sip.” Threatened Sam.  
“Fine, you little snitch, here, have a fucking sip.” Said an irritated Dean.

“Naw, On second thought, I’d like to have my own beer.” A huge, grin stretched across Sam's beer slicked lips. 

“Wait, no Sammy, that is going too far.” Dean shook his head vigorously mentally begging his little brother to be reasonable.

“Let….. Me….. See…. First letter Starts with D and ends with AD.” Taunted Sam, he know Dean would cave. He just had to keep poking at him until he does. 

“I hate you.” Dean didn’t really mean it but the little shit was threatening to nark on him. How else was he supposed to respond? 

Sam took that as a yes and helped himself to the fridge pulling out a bottled beer. He then walked over to Dean and held the beer out for him to twist it open. Dean did but while glaring at Sam all the way. Sam ignore it and just plucked the fresh beer out of his big brother’s hand and started chugging it as if it were a bottle of pop.

“Woa, woa, woa.” Chided Dean. “You have to drink it slow Sammy or you’ll make yourself sick.”

Sam followed his big brother’s instructions. 

Before they knew it, all the bottle were empty but one, Dean was mentally, drunkenly patting himself on the back that they showed restraint by leaving their dad at least one beer.

Sam suddenly let out a big belch, causing Dean to laugh his ass off. Dean thought he could do better than that so he sucked in his breath and belched the alphabet which had Sam rolling on the floor with laughter. Then he straightened himself up and sucked in his breath and belched loud enough to cause an echo. All control gone, Dean and started belching high way to hell by AC-DC which sound nothing like that song. Sam decided to risk it by belching How much is that doggy in the window? Ending it with vomit shooting straight out of his mouth covering Dean causing him to laugh harder because it reminded him of the exorcist. 

Sam on their dad’s bed rolled over on his side, face pressed into the pillow, holding his stomach from laughing so hard, threw up on their dad’s pillow but he didn’t stop there, soon his body was hermoriging vomit all over their dad’s bed and Sam was still in the fits of laughter.

Dean looked over at him in horror, jumped up from the bed he and Sam were sharing, pulled Sam staggeringly to his feet. “Shit.” Said Dean as he hauls his drunken brother to the bathroom, both of them falling on their asses on the way causing Now the both of them to laugh in sync as their father unexpectedly came into the room.

“What the….” There father was so shocked he couldn’t even finish the thought.

Dean looked drunkenly up at him while Sam was still in the fits of laughter covered in his own sick. “Dad…” Dean started.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?” Boomed their father, his face darkened with anger.

“Dad, you wouldn’t believe what happened while you were on a hunt, something came in. I don’t know what it was but Sam and I took care of it and it left goo all over the place.” Dean lied.

“John opened up the fridge and peered in. “WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF MY BEER? I BOUGHT A CASE AND NOW THERE IS ONLY ONE LEFT.”

“That thing that was here also drank your beer.” Dean lied again.

“THEN WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SAM IS DRUNK AND HE SMELLS LIKE VOMIT?” John's eyes blazed with fury.

“He’s in shock and that’s not him you smell. It’s that creature you smell all over.” Dean was such a lousy liar.

Discipline censored


	2. Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam helps himself into the red Kool-Aid powder. Unfortunately the sugar buzz causes Sam to jump on their father's bed but with the young Winchesters, nothing ever goes as planned.

Another motel, another hunt. Nothing for Sam and Dean to do. Dean was watching TV while laying back on their bed. Sam on the other hand was sitting on their dad’s bed, legs hanging over the side swaying them back and forth. 

Dean rolled his eyes, annoyance starting to creep up into his very being. “Damn it Sammy, Why can’t you just sit still?”

“Because I am an impressionable boy.” And with that, Sam stuck out his tongue that was coated in red powder.”

Dean leaped off of their bed and made hast to their dad’s duffle bag, as he slide the zipper down and peeked inside, he noticed the empty punch flavor Kool-Aid container.

“What did you do Sammy? Drink all the friggin’ Kool-Aid?” Dean shot his brother a quick looked of disbelief

“No. I ate it. It tastes better that way.” Came Sam’s smartass response.

“Damn Sam.” Dean’s voice was just over a whisper. “No wonder you can’t sit still. Why’d you eat all of the Kool-Aid?”

“I don’t know.” Came Sam’s weak excuse. “I was just bored and I had a sweet tooth.” Then Sam started bouncing on his butt feet still hanging over the side.

“Yea, well now you got yourself all hyped up.” Chastised Dean. “It’s gonna take me forever getting your ass to sleep.”

“Deeeean.” God how he hated that little whine coming from his little brother’s mouth.

“What Sammy?”

“Why don’t you ever play with me anymore?” 

“Because I grew up.” Answered Dean hoping that would end his little brother’s stream of questions but NOPE. Sammy has just gotten started.

“Do you remember when we used to jump on the bed?” Asked Sam again.

“Uhh, Yea like a million years ago.” Dean Answered once more.

Sam still bouncing on the bed. “Why don’t we ever jump on the bed together anymore?”

“Well because I am too old and I am supposed to set a good example for you.” Dean gently explained.

“Is that because you’re old like dad?” Sam’s question was innocent. He didn’t mean to insult his big brother but Dean was a little offended.

“HEY, I AM NOT OLD LIKE DAD.” Dean’s voice came out more like a challenge than anything else which was not his intention but Sam being Sam read it all wrong.

Sam got up and started jumping on their father’s bed. “Put your money where your mouth is old guy.” Sam teased. 

“Old guy huh?” Dean playfully hissed. And started jumping on their own bed. “I’ll show you, you little shit.”

“Betcha I can jump higher than you.” Challenged Sam.

“Betcha can’t.” Dean challenge back. Then he leaped from their bed to their dad’s bed then back to theirs. “Betcha can’t do that can you Samantha?”

Sam copied his big brother and then decided to top him by jumping from the dresser into their father’s bed. 

While Sam remained on their father’s bed still jumping in the air, Dean decided to take a skydive from the dresser onto yup, you guessed it, their father’s bed bringing the entire bed down beneath his sudden weight. Sam looses his balance cracking the side of his head on the nightstand between their beds nearly knocking himself unconcious.


	3. FIRE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to make Sammy a warm breakfast but the pilot goes out in the stove so he chooses an unconventional yet dangerous way of lighting it.

They were staying at Bobby’s cabin once again. They usually stayed there when they were done with a hunt, at least until another hunt came along. This was what they called home.

John was at Bobby’s working on some leads on some phantom or entity of some kind killing off the Amish in the state of Pennsylvania. He hadn’t decided why this is happening but right now all he could assume was that it doesn’t like the Amish religion but in order to stop one of those things, you have to get to the definite why and that was the part he was researching.

Dean and Sam were sitting in the living room off Bobby’s cabin. Dean was bored which usually lead to trouble. Their father instructed him not to go to the bar. He was to stay with Sam. Dean complied since he didn’t have any money on him anyway thanks to their dad not trusting him only because he have disobeyed him every time. He could have been hitting on some random waitress telling her that he was a talent agent and he would get laid, that’s all but instead he was stuck here baby sitting his little brother. Oh how lovely.

A rumbling started sliding through Sam’s stomach. “I’m hungry.” He announced. “Do we have any cheerios?”

“How about a warm breakfast instead?” Offered Dean.

“No, Cheerios.” Argued Sam.

“Hey, Beggars can’t be choosers.” Dean argued back.

“They can if there’s cheerios in the cupboards.” chimed Sam.

“We are having sausage and eggs because I am the oldest and I am in charge so you’ll either like it or go without.” And with that, Dean strutted into the kitchen leaving a pouting Sam sitting on the living room couch.

Dean turned on the kitchen stove and nothing happened. “Shit.”

“What?” Asked Sam.

“The damn pilot is out.” Explained Dean.

Sam’s face lit up as excitement rested in his eyes. “HURRAAAAY. I GET TO HAVE CHEERIOOOOS.” 

“Nope.” Said a determined Dean. “I’ll just have to light the pilot and then we’ll have our sausage and eggs.”

Sam fell into a pouting silence. Dean walked passed his glaring brother and opened up the hall closet where their dad kept his emergency kit for in case the power goes out. 

There were candles, matches, a flashlight, a bulk pack of C batteries, a portable radio and hello, what’s this? They have been looking for it for about a month, how did it end up in here? It was a flare gun. It belonged in the trunk of the impala with the other weapons, not the emergency closet. Dean reached out and retrieved the flare gun about to go and put it in its rightful destination when a thought hit him and stupidity out weighed common sense.

“Look what I found Sammy.” Cried Dean waving the flare gun excitedly in the air.

“I want cheerios.” Was Sam’s only response.

“When you taste my awesome sausage and eggs, you will fall at my feet and worship my genius.” Bragged Dean as he pulled the flare gun to his side

Pouting Sam only rolled his eyes in response.

Dean made his way into the kitchen and lifted the range top up from their temporary gas stove and instead of cleaning the tip of the pilot so it would be easier to light and not become a fire hazard, Dean in his haste to make sausage and scrambled eggs didn’t take that into consideration and what made matters worse is that he didn’t even bother to use a match. He thought it would be cool to experiment with a flare gun.

Sam continued staring straight ahead, face set in that same pouting mode over the cheerios Dean had denied him when he heard a sudden ’whoosh.’ Followed by the clicking sound of fire as the flames started licking the walls behind the stove instantly. Dean couldn’t believe how fast the fire spread. A nearby pot holder and a dish towel that was neatly draped over the stove handle immediately fell victim to the angry flames engulfing them entirely spreading quickly across the wooden floor. Dean froze in brief horror loosing his ability to speak or move when the hunter in him kicked in.

Sam started coughing from the inhaled smoke that was choking the entire cabin. Before he knew it, he was in the air being hauled out the front door. 

Dean hurriedly shoved the flare gun under one of the couch cushions.

Ten minutes later firemen arrive accompanied by a police chief. Dean gave his statement, lying through his ass to avoid jail time for stupidity. A fire marshal inspected the place but not very thoroughly because of where he hid the flare gun and determined that it was the cause of a gas leak from a faulty stove especially because the cabin was so old. 

By the time the fire was put out, the kitchen was completely gutted. After Dean and Sam were alone once again, Sam finally asked the ultimate question. “What’s dad gonna do when he finds out?”

“We just have to make sure he doesn’t find out.” Answered Dean. 

“And how do we do that? There is no kitchen and there is no cheerios.” Sam pointed out. 

“DAMN IT SAMMY. WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE CHEERIOS? I AM TRYING TO THINK HERE.” Dean barked slipping on the verge of insanity or a nervous breakdown.

Sam’s bottom lip started to quiver. Dean was immediately contrite. “I’m sorry Sammy. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“It’s not my fault you burn the house down.” Sniffled Sam.

“I didn’t burn the house down. I just burned the kitchen down is all.” Finally an idea clicked in Dean’s head. “If we clean up the kitchen real good then maybe dad won’t notice.”

Sam looked at his older brother like he grew two heads. Even at the age of twelve, he knew you couldn’t cover up that much damage with a mop and bleach but Dean being Dean it would be a futile attempt to explain that to him. 

Dean’s was the kitchen removing the debris and tossing it out the back door. Then he started working on what was left of the blackened stove. The kitchen sink and the cupboards were completely gone, The refrigerator has melted. He didn’t know that metal could melt. 

Finally he was done cleaning the kitchen which was still in disarray. Dean frowned hoping that their father would be dumb enough not to notice. 

Sam sauntered into the gutted kitchen.”Yup. You are definitely going to get it from dad.”

Dean turned his concerned eyes to his little brother. “You think he’ll notice?”

“Duh.” Was Sam’s only reply.

“I’VE GOT IT. HURRY SAMMY, GRAB ME A BLANKET.” Dean yelled as another stupid idea struck him.

Sam ran to the emergency supply closet and pulled out a faded blue blanket while Dean grabbed a handful of nails and a hammered; the blanket on top of the kitchen entry way separating the kitchen from the living room. “There, now dad won’t notice.”

“But dad will want to go into the kitchen sometime.” Explained Sam.

Dean shook his head at his little brother’s negativity. “Not if we keep him from doing that.”

Sam looked at his big brother, curiosity resting across his face. “How?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t thought that far ahead yet but I’ll think of something.” Responded Dean now feeling so sure of himself.

“Well, you’d better start thinking fast because dad’s home.” Sam pointed out 

the window at the truck slowing to a stop in the driveway. 

Dean only stared, heart pounding in his throat as he quickly rummaged through his brain on how to keep their father from what used to be the kitchen. 

Standing next to each other, they both watched the turn of the door knob followed by their dad entering with his arms full of supplies stuffed in two big, brown paper bags. He kicked the door closed behind him with the flat of his right foot. “Why in the hell does it smell like smoke in here?”

Dean was the first to speak. “Well dad, you really should quit smoking those cigarettes, Surgeon General’s warning says they are bad for your health.

John only gave his eldest son a chastising glare in response before moving forward to put the supplies into the kitchen.

That was Dean’s queue. “Here dad, why don’t Sam and I help you put those away.”

“That’s fine son but I think I’ve got it.” John brushed away his eldest son's offer to help.

“No, no, no, dad. You’ve worked so hard.” Said Dean as he and Sam took the bags from their father’s hands and disappeared into what used to be the kitchen.

“Sammy, I need you to do me a favor.” Whispered Dean as he motioned his little brother to come within ear shot.

“What?” Sam whispered back.

“I need you distract dad. Here.” Dean gave Sam a bottled beer to give to their father.

Sam came out from behind the faded blue blanket door. He even was generous enough to twist open the cap for dear old dad. 

Their dad hadn’t moved from his current position. Sam walked over to him, grabbed his arm and led him to the couch, shoved him causing him to loose his balance landing in a sitting position on one of its soft cushions. “Here.” Sam handed him his beer then removed his shoes and started massaging his feet.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” Asked John flabbergasted.

“Just massaging your feet dad.” Sam said with a pretend hurt in his voice.

John’s eyes softened as he reclined back allowing his youngest son to pamper his feet.

‘Oh, he’s good.’ Thought Dean as he hid in the kitchen pretending to put the supplies away since there was no where to put them.

Sam continued to massage their father’s feet when John finally spoke up. “Why is there a blanket hanging outside the kitchen?”

Shit, he and Dean hadn’t rehearsed their stories on that to make them match in case their dad noticed it.

“Puppet show.” Answered Sam without missing a beat. “Dean decided to throw me a puppet show to entertain me.”

“But you don’t have any puppets.” John reminded him.

“Sock puppets.” Sam explained. Biting his lower lip hoping their father wouldn’t press the issue any further or see the lies shadowing his features.

At this time, Dean came out from behind the blanket. “Supplies are put away.”

“Dean, why do you have a blanket outside the kitchen?” Their father was still suspicious so he decided to see if their stories matched before investigating himself.

Sam looked up fearfully at Dean, swallowing thickly. Dean returned the look with one that said relax, I’ve got everything under control. Sam averted his eyes, frozen where he sat on the floor, with his knees tucked under his butt.

“Well…. I was redecorating and I thought it would look nice.” Dean lied. But he didn’t miss that look of horror in his little brother’s eyes. 

“That’s it.” John pushed himself up into a standing position, striding to the kitchen. “MOVE THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY DEAN. YOU BOYS ARE UP TO SOMETHING AND I AM GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS.”

Dean moved quickly to the side allowing their father entrance to what was no longer defined as a kitchen. 

John stood mouth a gape cataloging the destruction. “HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?”

Both boys stood there in utter silence, looking over at each other searching frantically for a believable lie before Dean finally had an idea. “FIRE DEMON. “You wouldn’t believe it. It came in from the back door, it was horrible. It would have burned down the whole cabin but Sam and I destroyed it with holy water. It was Sam’s idea to put it in his super soaker and drenched it but good. 

Their father considered this for a moment. Of all the things they had encountered, it’s not too surprising that something like this would enter their lives. “You did good boys. This cabin no longer has a kitchen but you eradicated the fire demon. You are indeed fine hunters by why did you try to prevent me from going into the kitchen?”

“We didn’t want to stress you out.” Dean lied again.

“Well, I’m gonna give Bobby a call and tell him what happened. Mighty proud of you.” Then he ruffled Sam’s hair.

Dean sighed with relief, they really dodged the bullet on that one. That’s until they heard their father on the phone with Bobby and the conversation didn’t seem that pleasant.

After John hung up the phone, he turned towards Dean, eyes blazing with anger in a dangerously threatening voice, “Bobby said that the insurance adjuster was there and he said that the fire chief from the fire department was here so apparently, you two didn’t put out the fire.”

“Well… they came after….” Dean started.

“ENOUGH OF THE LIES. NOW I WANT TO HEAR THE FUCKING TRUTH OR SO HELP ME.” John boomed.

Dean nodded to Sam and Sam reached for the flare gun from under the right couch cushion. “I used it to light the pilot on the stove.” Explained Dean in a quivering voice.

John could tamp down his anger no longer. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME…? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?… YOU USED THIS TO LIGHT THE PILOT? WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD?” On and on their father ranted and raved causing Dean to cower where he stood. 

That night Dean was never seen or heard from again. JUST KIDDING.

Discipline censored.

“I still never got my cheerios.” Commented a disappointed Sam.


	4. Something's Wrong With The Toilet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam breaks the toilet and Dean attempts to fix it which only makes matters worse.

Sixteen year old Dean walks into the cabin, White T-shirt grunged with grease, jeans matching in the filth area from his working on his beloved impala just in time to see twelve year old Sammy running from the bathroom and racing out the front door that remained open nearly knocking Dean over in his haste to get away from whatever he did in the bathroom and it can’t be good.

Dean in turn raced through the cabin into the bathroom to see what in the hell terrified his little brother. Sammy is guilty of something, that part, knew. He only reached the doorway to the bathroom of the overflowing toilet, water spilling onto the floor traveling towards where Dean was standing. Shit. 

Turning to march through the cabin, angry footsteps making the walls shake. “SAM. SAMMY. WHERE IN THE HELL ARE YOU?” He was about to walk past the cabin and into the woods when he heard a shuffle in the crawlspace outside. Dean bent over and with one swoop, shoved his arm into the crawlspace grabbed Sam by the waist band of his jeans dragging him out of hiding.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?” Shouted Dean as he released Sam into the standing position so that he is facing his big brother.

“WATER DEMON.” Came Sam’s breathy response. “OH YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT DEAN. IT CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF THE TOILET.”

Dean, squeezing his temples as he allowed his little brother’s lie to sink in got down to his little brother‘s eye level, his voice gentle “Now Sammy. We only lie to dad when we’ve done something wrong, it’s the code of brotherhood. We don’t lie to each other. Now, I need for you to be completely honest with me, now what happened in the bathroom?”

Sam relented. “I was playing with my GI Joe men and I was pretending that they were in this big pool and there was something in the water that was attacking the people so I flushed the toilet for more of an effect. I didn’t know that they would get sucked down and the toilet would overflow.” 

"Aren't you a bit old to be playing with toys?" Dean asked still quite taken aback from the whole toilet story incident.

"Well I could play with your toys." Came Sam's innocent retort. "You know, Brandy, Shelly... Those girls you told that you were a film director and that you were looking for shiny new faces for your next upcoming movie? I could play with them...."

"Okay, okay you made your point." Dean interrupted before he gently rubbed Sam’s shoulders before standing up. “Well, you and I have a toilet to fix before dad gets home.” And with that, both boys went into the bathroom, Dean with a tool box in hand started taking the toilet apart.

“You think you could save my GI Joes?” Asked Sam looking over Dean’s shoulders.

“Maybe. How many did you flush down?” Asked Dean as he continued working on the toilet.

“Only six.” Answered Sam.

Dean rolled his eyes in response.

Dean tried his best to fix that damn toilet but he did however rescue all six of Sam’s GI Joe men in return, Sam squealed like a girl and gave Dean a big, wet slobbery kiss on his cheek ending it with a hug as he hauled his GI Joe men back to the safety of his bedroom.

Dean only grunted in response.

The toilet was a bitch to fix. He thought he did an okay job but unfortunately, he couldn’t get it to stick to the floor.

“SAM.” Dean called out.

Sam entered the bathroom door way.

“I need the Elmer’s glue.” Instructed Dean. 

Sam ran to his room in response and grabbed the Elmer’s glue from his back pack, ran back to the bathroom and handed it to his big brother.”

“Thanks buddy.” Dean ruffled Sam’s hair as a loving gesture. “Okay, that should do it. Now no using the bathroom for a couple of hours so if you have to go and you can’t wait, go behind the cabin.”

“Okay.” Sam responded. 

An hour later there father comes home, holding his stomach. “Damn burritos.” He mumbled as he made a bee line to the bathroom.

Both boys heard their father’s feet travel at lightening speed towards the bathroom. They had to warn him before he sat down on the commode. But they were too late as they heard a crash and a “SON OF A FUCKING BITCH. DEAN…. SAM….”

Both boys stood in the bathroom doorway and to their horror, there was their dad sitting on the bathroom floor, pants down to his ankles, soaked from his ass on down, toilet laying on its side next to John’s pissed off body, water flooding the floor once again.

Before he could ask , “A WATER DEMON.” Both boys said at the same time.

The hunter in John kicked in “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU USED ELMER’S GLUE TO STICK PORCELIN TO THE WOODEN FLOOR NOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND DON’T LEAVE OUT THE GORY DETAILS.”

Sam told about his GI Joe men and Dean explained how he had fixed the toilet.

“THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS YOU TWO HAD EVER DONE. I AM SURPRISED YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.”

Both boys were never seen or heard from again.

JUST KIDDING.

Discipline censored as I’m sure it was brutal.

“Hey Dean. Look. My GI Joe men are finally dry.”

Dean only responded was by braking the heads off of each one and threw them out of Sam’s window.


	5. When Dad's Away, The Boys Will Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John decides to go on a hunt leaving twenty year old Dean to babysit sixteen year old Sam who was planning on inviting a girl over but Dean had bigger plans involving a party.

Their dad was away on a hunt. It was a simple job so he didn’t require the company of his son’s. “Dean.” Instructed their father. “I need you to watch Sam while I’m away for a couple of days.”

“Awe come on dad.” Sam protested. “I’m old enough to not need a baby sitter. Why can’t you and Dean go on a hunt and leave me here?”

“Because I don’t need Dean on this hunt. Now, I want you to mind your older brother and don’t go anywhere without his permission. You got that?”

No response.

“I SAID, YOU GOT THAT?” Their father was glaring at Sam over his short attention span.

“Yes, I’ve got it.” Sam pouted.

“Awe come on Sammy.” Dean comforted. “We’ll have lots of fun.”

“Oh and Dean. Try not to blow the cabin up or kill each other.” John called over his shoulder as he made his way to the front door.

Dean only nodded in agreement.

“Two days.” There father repeated as he pulled out of the driveway and down the dirt road.

Dean put his arm around Sam’s shoulder. “So Sasquatch. Why don’t you want me baby sitting you?”

“Because I am too old for a babysitter.” Sam sighed.

“Are you sure it’s not because you were planning on throwing a wild party?” Dean teased.  
Sam shook his head.

“Okay, you were planning on bringing a girl over and playing mattress tag with her.” Dean continued.

“Not anymore.” Sam turned and walked away.

Dean followed him into the cabin. “Okay, spill. Who is she?”

“You don’t know her.” Sam was trying to avoid answering his big brother’s questions for the fear he might blush and that would give Dean more ammunition to pick on him about being a girl.

“Come on Sammy. I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me who she is.”

“No.” There is a reason Sam wouldn’t tell Dean his new girlfriend’s name.

Oh hell no. Dean was not going to let this go so he tackled Sam onto the bed, fingers finding any available spot on his little brother’s stomach.

“Dean.” Sam was getting irritated. “I’m not six years old anymore. You can’t just tickle the answers out of me?”

“Wanna make a bet?” Dean finally found an unprotected area right below his little brother’s ribcage. 

Sam started squirming, eyes watering from keeping in his girlish giggles that Dean loved to tease him about “ALL RIGHT…. ALL RIGH…. I’LL TELL YOU JUST STOP TICKELING ME.” Sam huffed between laughter.

Dean pushed himself off of Sam. “Good then we have a deal and it’s a good thing too because five more minutes of that, you would have peed yourself.”

“No I wouldn’t.” Sam argued.

“Yes you would have because my tickles have that effect on people.” Dean grinned at his little brother.

Sam rolled his eyes. “What ever.”

“So what’s your girlfriends name?” Dean pushed.

“Samantha.” Sam mumbled under his breath.

Dean leaned towards Sam, put his right hand behind the shell of his right ear bending it forward. “I’m sorry Sammy, I didn’t get that.”

“HER NAME IS SAMANTHA OKAY?” Sam was waiting for the teasing to start.

Dean stared at him before air shot out of his mouth as his laughter ricocheted through out his body, tears streaming from his eyes, face turned a beet red as if his laughter was cutting off his blood supply and oxygen to his brain. Suddenly he bent over holding his stomach as if he were going to puke when infact he was in pain from laughing so hard. Then he fell on Sam’s bed, rolled over, burying his face in the mattress punching it at the same time his body convulsed from laughter.

Sam just stood there staring at the spectacle before him. Dean finally sat up. “Oh Sammy, I’m sorry.”

Sam knew he wasn’t sorry. He could see the laughter was still in his eyes and it was only a matter of time before he started cracking up again. Dean looked down at the floor, legs spread in a V shape, arms resting loosely between his thighs. Sam could tell by the way his shoulders were shaking he was laughing again. 

“FUCK YOU.” Was Sam’s only response before leaving laughing Dean behind in his bedroom.

The next day, Sam asked Samantha out on a date. He knew couldn’t go unless he asked Dean for permission. Sam nervously sucked in his breath as he approached his big brother sitting on the sofa sipping a beer while watching something boring on TV. “Hey Samantha. Oh yea, that’s your girlfriends name.”

Sam ignored his brother’s ridicule. “Dean I….”

“Hey Sammy.” Dean interrupted. “I’m throwing a beer bash tonight at 8 and you’re invited.”

Sam looked down to avoid his big brother’s eyes. Dean tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey bro, what’s wrong?”

Sam shifted from his left foot to his right, back to his left foot, eyes still down cast.

“Sammy. If you have to go to the bathroom, the toilet’s been fixed so go ahead and go.”

Sam looked up at Dean annoyed. “Why do you always do this? What can’t you ever be serious?”

“Because I’m young and energetic.” Came Dean’s smartass response. Then his eyes softened. “Come on Sammy, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I have a date tonight and you want to throw a beer bash. What else could there be wrong?” Sam sighed in defeat. He knew Dean would end up ruining this for him. Whatever this was. It wasn’t fair.

Sam was about to walk away and head straight for his bedroom when Dean gently grabbed both of his shoulders. “Sammy, don’t worry lil bro. I’ll take care of everything.” 

Sam only let out a sigh in response and walked past Dean’s constant stare and shut himself in his room.

Dean picked up the phone, dialing number making calls inviting the whole neighborhood or so it would seem and started inviting them to his beer bash.  
Then Dean plucked out Samantha’s number that he copied from the inside book cover of Sam’s science book and invited her to the party as well.

8:00 rolls around, a depressed Sam in still vegetating in his bedroom when Dean poked his head in the door. “Come on Sammy, the guests have arrived.”

“No thanks. I’ll just stay in here.”

“Sammy.” Dean’s voice was gentle

“Have fun.” Came Sam’s reply.

Another knock at the door. Dean opened it and standing before him was a lean blonde with blue-gray eyes. She probably weighed about 120 pounds at the most. Dean scanned her with admiration. “Well, well, well, now who are you pretty lady?”

“I’m Samantha. I’m here for Sam.”

Dean stepped back opening the door all the way to allow her entrance. The party was in full swing.

Dean knocked on Sam’s door.

No response.

Dean knocked again on Sam’s door .

The response was the same.

Dean decided to bang on his little brother’s door.

“What?” Came an annoyed growl from the other side.

Dean took it as his queue to let himself in.

“There’s someone here to see you?” He said in a teasing tone.

“What, did you do, hire some of your drunken’ buddies to beat me up so you could have a good laugh at my expense?” Without waiting for a response. “Just leave me alone Dean.”

Samantha came from behind Dean, peering over his shoulder. “Hi Sam. What’s wrong?” She asked, concern resting in her eyes.

Sam jumped up from his bed embarrassed. “SAMANTHA!” His voice cracked “Uh… Uh…. What are you doing here?”

“Your brother invited me to your beer bash. I couldn’t resist coming since you’re here.”

A quivering smile played across Sam’s lips. Absentmindedly, his hands came up as he started brushing his own hair behind his ears.

“You’re hair’s fine Samantha.” Said Dean without thinking.

“What?” Came the confused voice behind him.

Embarrassed, Dean looked at her and cleared his throat. “Nothing, just you two kids behave yourselves.” And he hurried out of this awkward situation.

“You’re brother’s weird.” Samantha mused.

“Yea but he means well.” Sam gently defended.

“How about you and I go join the party?” Samantha suggested.

“Lead the way.” Then Sam reached out and grasped her hand. 

They are both sitting on the couch sipping a bottle of beer when Dean comes in and sits at the coffee table in front of them.“So you’re the one my little brother’s been writing sappy poems about.”

Samantha gave a light chuckle as Sam rolled his eyes.

“Did you know that Sammy here pees the bed?” Dean teased.

Horrified, Sam started to shake his head.

“He’s also a virgin.” Dean was already a few sheets to the wind.

It was Samantha’s turn to speak on her beloved Sammy’s behalf. “Well, not anymore.”

Sam stuck his tongue out at his big brother as if to say I told you so.

Samantha didn’t miss that tidbit of amusement. “I think you could put that tongue to better use.” She purred as she leaned it for a long drawn out kiss. Sam responded by pulling her into the heat of his body tongue wresting all the way.

Dean’s eyebrows quirked up.

Breaking the kiss, Samantha looked back at Dean. “I also happen to know that he’s not a bed wetter because he’s spent the night at my house a couple of times and yes, he stayed in my bed.” With a twinkle in her eyes, she lifted the beer bottle to her partially opened lips to take a sip out of the neck of it staring at Dean the whole time. “And he was an animal.” She continued, her voice dripping seductively as she reached out to caress Sam’s thigh. 

Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat, staring at his lap. He was not the one to kiss and tell. 

Dean noticed the red heat that crept up Sam’s neck so he reached out and playfully slapped his little brother on his knee. “Sammy, you sly dog.”

“Shut up.” Sam mumbled under his breath where only Dean could hear him.

“I want details.” Dean looked at Samantha since she looked like she was willing to talk. She didn’t seem as shy as he pictured her. She was out going and very adventurous especially in bed. 

As she was about to tell him the rated X version of their bedroom games, Dean heard a crash come from the kitchen.

Abandoning Sam and his not so shy girlfriend, Dean went to investigate what that noise was. Two drunk jocks were having a fist fight in the kitchen. One of the men was hitting on the other’s girlfriend and she appeared to like it. The crash was a window being broken as one man punched the other man causing him to loose his balance and he fell through it. Shards of glass lay angrily on the floor.

“ALRIGHT. THAT’S ENOUGH. I INVITE YOU TO A PARTY IN MY HOUSE, YOU ARE TO RESPECT MY STUFF OR GET THE FUCK OUT.” Then Dean heard some commotion coming from the living room area. 

Abandoning the two pissed off drunks and the girlfriend of whoever’s. Probably everybody’s. He investigated the commotion to find some fat guy without a shirt on, shaking up a bottle of beer, twisting off the cap and aiming it at his sloshed buddies, spraying it everywhere from the walls, furniture and the floors.  
Dean walked over to him and took the beer out of his hands. “Alright. I think you had enough chuckles.”

The man only ignored him and grabbed himself another beer. Dean was about to say something when a woman wearing what looks like her younger sisters clothes, they were that tight. She was holding a bottle of beer in each hand. She started leaning in behind him, her hot alcohol breath on the back of his neck causing the fine hairs to stand up as a shiver traveled down his spine; he turned around, eyes meeting hers. “Well, hello beautiful. Now, don’t tell me you’re here at the party all alone.”

“I am.” Came her drunkenly seductive response

“Well, we may have to rectify the situation.” He flirted.

“Maybe.” She flirted back as she handed him a beer.

In response, he put his arm around her shoulders leading her past Sam, winks and gives his little brother the thumbs up taking her the rest of the way into his bedroom.

Samantha gave a light chuckle. Sam shook his head bringing his beer to his lips gave a half huff and half laugh into the bottle.

A few more beers later and Sam was feeling a little loopy. Samantha grabbed his hand and pulled him drunkenly to his feet. Sam swaggered but didn’t loose his balance.

“Come on.” She whispered. “No one is going to miss us.”

Sam knew what she meant and he complied without resistance.

While Sam and Samantha were busy well…. You know…. 

The party started to get out of hand. Dean was in the bathroom ridding his body of all that beer through his bladder, their father enters the cabin pissed as hell. 

To his right, there were a couple making out in the corner. In front of him, a couple was on the floor behind the couch half naked, to the left of him were a group of guys spraying beer all over each other. John mentally took inventory of all the destruction his boys’ stupidity caused once again.

John aimed his gun towards the ceiling and pulled the trigger. The sudden bang caused everybody to stop what they were doing. A hush filled the room. John had got their attention.

“ALRIGHT, NOW EVERYBODY OUT OR I WILL PUMP YOU ALL UP FULL OF HOLES.”

The large crowd of drunks stampeded through the front door, some out the back, He heard them get in their vehicles and screech out of the drive.

Dean sauntered out of the bathroom and realizes the cabin was deathly quiet. He heard the loud shot but was too drunk to make out what it was. His eyes scanned the living room and coming to rest on the glaring eyes of his father.

“Uh dad… You’re back early.” Dean slurred with a slightly tremor in his voice.

“Where’s your brother?” John growled ignoring Dean’s previous statement.

Before Dean could respond. “Oh Deeeane.” Came a seductive voice from his bedroom doorway. “It’s getting kind of lonely in here without you.”

John’s eyes bore daggers into his eldest son. Dean in turn walked up to the naked woman wrapped in his sheets, “Uh…. You should go.” Explained Dean. “You may see my name in the obituaries tomorrow and if you do, I want you to always remember this night.”

Her face drooped into a seductive pout as she disappeared into his bedroom to get dressed. Within five minutes, she was gone like a ghost in the night.

Dean was about to rush to Sam’s bedroom and warn him that their homicidal dad was home and he has a gun but John stopped him. 

Sam and Samantha was playing some kinky game with something involving handcuffs, she was about to snap the metal bracelet shut when his bedroom door crashed open, the doorknob of it slamming against the wall reverberating about the room. Sam’s face frozen in a mixture embarrassment and fear, Samantha leaped from the bed wrapping her naked body in Sam’s sheet. Sam held only a pillow trying without success to cover his embarrassment from their father.

John stood there, back rim rod straight, knees slightly bent as if he were about to take on yellow eyes himself; eyes frozen and glaring at his youngest son. Sam’s eyes kept resting on his pistol he still had in his hands.

“I think I’d better get going.” She whispered to Sam, grabbing her handcuffs and giving him a quick peck on lips.

Sam gently grasped her arm to stop her from leaving. “Since this is mine and Dean’s last day on earth, I want you to know that I love you and I hope you will never forget me.”

John only rolled his eyes at both of his son’s for being overly dramatic.

“Never.” She said softly. As She passed John, “It was nice meeting you sir.” Then she ducked her head submissively as she slowly made here way into the bathroom to get dressed. Within five minutes, she was gone.

John put the pistol in the back waistband of his jeans.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE? I LEAVE YOU IN CHARGE DEAN AND YOU GO AND THROW A DAMN ORGY PARTY?”

“Dad…” Sam began feeling the need to defend his older brother.

“DON’T WORRY SAM, DEAN’S NOT THE ONLY ONE IN TROUBLE HERE. I DIDN’T SEE YOU EXACTLY PROTESTING.AGAINST IT." His father boomed, rage coloring his voice to a dangerous level. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THIS? YOU TWO HAVE GOT TO BE THE STUPIDEST PAIR OF DUMBASSES ON THIS PLANET. 

“It wasn’t an orgy.” Dean looked averted his eyes to the floor as if he were expecting it to give him an alibi.

“THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" John was in Dean face at this time. 

“It was just a regular beer bash. People only started making out.” Dean answered meekly still refusing to make eye contact.

John straightened up, looking from Sam to Dean. “How do you two know all these people? We don’t even stay in one place long enough for you to make that many friends.

“That girl with Sam was his girlfriend from school. The rest well…." Then Dean paused, feeling thoroughly ashamed for his behavior. "I put up fliers and skimmed the phonebooks and they just started all coming.

John was on the rampage again. “SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH. JUST AS I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T GET ANYMORE STUPID, YOU HAVE TO TOP THAT BY PULLING SOMETHING LIKE THIS. YOU ARE REALLY TRYING TO KILL ME AREN’T YOU? TRYING TO GIVE ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK. MY GOD, STUPID ISN’T A WORD TO DESCRIBE THE DUMBASS SHIT YOU PULLED TONIGHT.” On and on their father ranted and raved.

That night, Sam and Dean’s predictions came true. They were never seen or heard from again.

JUST KIDDING.

Discipline censored.

When their father was out of earshot, Dean whispered in Sam’s ear. “So was she any good?”


	6. Dumber and Dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of these little tidbits on page one in this story I got from Christopher Titus, if you've seen it, Norman Rockwell is Bleeding like the drunk driving incident and the falling in a bonfire incident. The title Dumber and Dumbass, I got From Dumb and Dumber starring Jim Carrey, I only changed the title just a tad. Hope you enjoy it anyway. Comments are welcome. The story in here involves an incident where Sam tries to change a light bulb. It really happened to me when I was having a dumbass moment.  
> Towards the end I got creative.

Dean was lying quietly in bed on his stomach, face buried into the pillow with a killer hangover. His mouth sandpaper dry and a cotton ball heaviness to his taste buds while his head felt like it was too big for his neck. Their dad pissed as pissed as a rabid dog. Big surprise there. Dean had no clue as to what he did this time. He’s only been sleeping. It was too early for him to start getting into trouble.

Their dad stomped the room making sure to make as much noise as possible. Reaching out and smacks Dean’s foot that was still clad in sneakers. “Dad.” Dean groaned, his voice rough from sleep. “What do you want? “

“WHAT I WANT?” Yelled John, his voice causing a tennis match to go off in Dean's brain. His brain being the tennis ball. “WHAT I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE CAR IS PARKED AT SUCH AN ODD ANGLE…. ON THE Porch…. ACROSS THE STREET?”

Confusion blanketing Dean's features, he managed to only stare helplessly at his father.

Dean searched through his alcohol soaked brain for the answer to his father's question wracking his brain for any portion of a memory of what the fuck he did last night when a sudden ear piercing ring sounded in the other room. From what Dean could tell, their father didn’t sound too happy while talking to the person on the other line. Why couldn't that be a Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes call telling their father that he had won ten million dollars? That would make him forget about the punishment he was to come.

“Dean. I have to go to the hospital and pick up your brother. It seems that you were not the only dumbass last night." John grabbed his car keys that he had dropped in his haste to severely chastise his eldest son.

Sam was sitting on a hard bench bed in the doctors office drunkenly scanning the room without the thought of consequences to his actions when the doctor entered carrying a syringe Making his way over to Sam and he gently wiped a spot of tanned skin on his forearm before pushing the metal needle in, piercing the flesh. The room began to dance, colors swirling in Sam's vision. His body felt like it was floating high in the cloudless sky.p>

The doctor stood in front of drugged and drunken Sam. “Now it’s important that you be honest with me, when you fell into the bonfire, did you scream or did you breath in?”

Sam looked up at the doctor as if he were an alien from another planet, or a lizard from the old series V. Oh yea, those pain killers were really starting to kick in. Eyes half lidded, mouth slack in a goofy way, “Well oh reptilian one, I screamed.” Sam’s voice was slurred. He didn’t even hear the words coming from his mouth. It sounded like somebody else said it from across the room but it was just him and the doctor.

The doctor leans over, nose almost touching his, eyes locking as he let the drill sergeant in him take over and verbally pound some sense into this drunk, dumbass teenager. “GOOD BECAUSE IF YOU WOULD HAVE BREATHED IN, THE SMOKE WOULD HAVE COLLAPSED YOUR LUNGS AND YOU’D BE DEAD.”

Same just sat there dumbfounded when he heard his father at the front desk. “Yea, I got a call about my son.” Then he gave the secretary his name.

“Have a seat, the doctor will be right out to talk to you." Said the secretary not taking her eyes from the computer screen to address him like any normal human being would.

The doctor left Sam by himself while he made his way to talk with his father. John was nodding his head in slow motion from what Sam could glimpse through the small rectangular window of the small room door and by the looks of it from what Sam could tell, his was handed a small square piece of paper that according to his judgement, had to be a prescription for pain killers for Sam.

The doctor then entered into the room. “Okay son, your father is here to pick you up.”

Sam didn’t say a word, he just sat there staring at the floor behind the doctor because what he saw was a long, thick green, tail attached to the doctor’s ass.

When Sam finally hopped off the bed, body swaying in place causing the doctor to reach out and study him, then he was directed towards the now open door where staggered out into the waiting room to where his father was standing. Sam’s burnt arm was bandaged in a thin, white cast. 

John looked up at his youngest son who was now staring at the secretary fearfully as she licks her thumb while she while skimming over some files.

John followed his son's eyes, then he glanced at Sam as he grabs his arm. “Did you see that?” Sam whispers, alarm hanging in the balance of his voice.”

“Did I see what?” Asked John starting to get concerned.

“Did you see her tongue?” Sam looked fearfully back at her.

“What about her tongue?” John was trying to search her face for any oddities that his son was seeing.

“She has a lizard tongue.” Sam answered, his voice wavering on the brink of hysteria. “Do you see it?”

John looked back at Sam and shook his head in the negative. “No. What I see is my dumbass son who is drunk and stoned from pain killers suffering the consequences of his actions. I hope for your sake that you’ve learned your lesson.”

Sam didn’t seem to hear him so with the youngest son's hand still latched on his arm, John led him out of the clinic.

It was a silent ride home in John’s pick up until something caught Sam's eye. “Why is our car parked on the sidewalk across the street?”

That was the first time Since John picked him up that Sam said that made sense whatsoever. “Because like you, your brother’s a dumbass.”

John led Sam into the cabin, his body practically taking on the full weight of his youngest son, directing him into his room. He even lifted the covers for him so Sam could climb into bed. “Now, I want you to stay in bed and for God sake stay out of trouble. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I’m going to the pharmacy to fill you prescription.” And with that, John was gone.

Sam got up from his bed, left his bedroom and went into Dean’s where his big brother refused to get up for the fear his head would explode if the sunlight coming through the window would reach his eyes.

Dean felt the bed dip. His body froze in fear for a second until he heard a slight giggle. He rolled over on his back to meet his brother’s eyes noticing that the pupils were blown and his eyes were glassy. “Wow, that must have been some party last night huh Sammy?”

Sam only laughed in response.

Dean’s eyebrows lifted as he studied his little brother. “What so funny?”

“I see the words coming from your mouth but there is no sound?” Sam laughed once more.

“Okay.” Said Dean sitting up. “I thought I was fucked up but you’re not making any sense.” Then his eyes shifted downward at his brother's bandaged arm and a sharp pain behind him because the hangover as decided to camp out behind them. “What happened to your arm?”

“I fell into the bonfire.” Answered Sam with a goofy smile as he started giggling again. “The doctor gave me some painkillers so that it won’t hurt from the wire brush he used to scrape my arm.”

“Yea, nothing like an alcohol and Demerol cocktail to kick start your day huh Sammy.” Dean joked but he didn't dare laugh or his brain would explode..

It’s been about a month. Sam’s arm had healed up almost completely and Dean still haven’t gotten his drivers license back from their dad.

Dean sauntered into Sam’s room while his little was sitting on at his laptop chatting with his friends since he was under house arrest and their father was the warden. “Hey my Demerol addicted brother.” Dean teased, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a smile. "How ya doin’?”

Sam rolls his eyes dramatically. “I’m not addicted to Demerol. I’m not even taking the medication anymore.”

“Oh please.” Playfully argued Dean, a hint of humor lingered in his voice. “You have such an addictive personality, you could get hooked on phonics.”

“Dean." Sam huffed, really starting to get annoyed with his big brother's playful banter. "That was stupid even for you and besides who’s the one that got in trouble with dad for drunk driving.”

“So….” Responded Dean with a shrug of his shoulders. “You fell in the bonfire. How’d you do that anyway?”

“It was stupid. I don’t even remember what happened.” Sam tried to shake off the memory.

Dean could tell by Sam’s flushed face that he remembered every detail and was too embarrassed to talk about it. “Nuh, uh. Now I know you’re lying. You’re like an open book, I can see it in your face. You know about the car, you owe me this so spill.”

“I don’t owe you anything.” Argued Sam trying to brush Dean off but his brother wasn't going anywhere. “As I recall, when we pulled into the driveway, I saw where you parked the car. It doesn’t take a genius to explain that one.”

“Okay, you made your point geek boy. Just please…. tell me how you burnt your arm in the bonfire?” Dean begged, body tingling with curiosity.

Sighing, Sam relented. “Me and a bunch of guys went to the beach. There was a lot of alcohol there. I guess I was pretty plastered because I was sitting on this blue beach blanket, Don’t know how it got there but it somehow got wrapped around my ankle. And when I tried to walk, I tripped and my arm landed in the bonfire. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever did.” Then Sam looked up at Dean expecting to see sympathy but what he got in return was a face full of amusement and Dean laughing his ass off.

“Fuck you.” Grumbled Sam as he kicked laughing Dean off of the edge of his bed. His big brother landed on his ass on the floor but it did nothing to stop his laughing at his expense. 

Month number two rolls around and Sam was lying in the hospital. There father shaking his head mouthing the words “Dumbass.” Dean behind their father laughing his ass off and the doctors one again pump Sam full of the good stuff so that now he is singing show tunes.

The doctor asked their father to tell them what happened in detail so they can better treat his son. “Well…. My dumbass son when to change a damn light bulb in the bathroom cause it burnt out and when the bulb broke in its light socket, he gets down from the chair, turns on the fuckin’ light switch so he could see better when how in the hell can you see better when the fuckin’ light bulb’s burned out? Then he get back on the chair, sticks his finger in the light socket to scrape out the broken shards from it and got himself electrocuted.” Then he looks at his singing son, shakes his head. “Dumbass.”

Sam was in bed sleeping off the rough night he spent in the emergency room. Their father, tinkering in the garage. Dean was sitting on the couch nursing a bottle of beer while being bored as hell. Suddenly an idea came to his head which usually meant he was about to get into trouble.

Pushing himself up from the couch into a standing, he snatched a bottle of Elmer’s glue that Sam left on the side table; Snickering to himself because he was about to become a dumbass for the day, swaggers to their father’s room because that wasn’t the first beer he drank within the hour, reached into the top dresser drawer and pulled out all of his dad’s socks, Gently and ever so carefully as his drunk hands would allow, glued his father socks together pair by pair. Then he stumbled back into the living room, his heels hit the bottom of the couch as he allowed himself to fall on it in a sitting position and continued nursing his beer as if nothing happened, Suddenly, the front door swung gently open and John slowly crossed the threshold looking like a grease ball. He mumbles something to Dean about taking a shower. 

After John returned from his much needed shower smelling like generic brand soap, he made his way into his bedroom and comes back out mad as hell. “DEAN…. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SOCKS?”

Dean looked up blurry eyed at their father. “Sock Demon.” Then he swiveled his head back towards the opposite direction of where his father was standing, his face straight ahead puts the neck of the bottle to his lips, smiling into the mouth of it.

John stared at his eldest son in disbelief. “I DON’T GET IT. HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING SOMETHING THAT KILLED ALL OF YOUR BRAIN CELLS? I-I-I JUST DON’T GET IT. I THOUGHT WHAT SAM DID WAS STUPID AND THEN YOU HAVE TO TOP THAT BY GLUING MY DAMN SOCKS TOGETHER. ARE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER HAVING A COMPETITION ON WHICH OF YOU IS THE BIGGEST DUMBASS?”

“Yes. And you’re the judge.” Dean’s mistake earned him a nice, hard smack in the back of the head at the same time he had his beer tipped into his mouth, his head snapped forward from the flat handed blow causing beer to spill all over his crotch. Dean jump off the couch. “DAD…. WHAT THE HELL?”

His father’s eyes filled with amusement. “WHO’S THE DUMBASS NOW? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU PISSED YOURSELF DUMBASS.”

Sam hearing the commotion shuffled his way out their bedroom grounding the sleep from his eyes. “What’s goin’ on?” Sam’s voice was still rough from sleep.

John took this opportunity to embarrass his eldest son “JUST LIKE YOU, YOUR BROTHER WAS BEING A DUMBASS AND PISSED HIMSELF.”

Sam gave them a quizzical look. “Well, gee Dean, are you that drunk you couldn’t even keep it all in your bladder?”

“THAT IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY.” Dean yelled. Embarrassed as he ran to his room.

“THAT WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO GO GLUING MY SOCKS TOGETHER DUMBASS. “John called after him. “AND YOU OWE ME THREE DOLLARS AND FIFTY SEVEN CENTS FOR A NEW PACKAGE OF SOCKS.” John end it by laughing his ass off. Yea pay backs are a bitch. 

Another day, the boys decided to team up on being dumbasses. “Sam,” motioned Dean. “Come here.”

Sam walked over to where Dean was standing. “Go get me your Elmer’s glue.”

Sam complied without question even though he knew in the back of his head that Dean was up to know good and together, they sauntered to their father’s room.

John was taking a shower, getting ready for the three of them to go on a hunt. Don’t know why he’s taking a shower before it when they will all be taking one afterwards. But never the less, it was time to piss off dear old Dad.

Dean retrieved the Elmer’s glue from Sam’s fingers, squeezed the bottle generously at the soles of their dad’s tennis shoes. His only pair. The glue didn’t take that long to dry. It dried to a point where the glue was soft and gummy. 

Their dad stepped out of the bathroom, steam drifting behind him. “Have you boys seen my sneakers?”

Sam and Dean were holding their breaths trying hard not to laugh. Sam had tears streaking down his face and Dean was not far behind him in the tear department. Their father looks at his youngest son with concern. “Sammy, what’s wrong?”

“He just saw an episode of Lassie and he got all girly.” Explained Dean trying hard to stifle his laughter.

Sam couldn’t contain himself any longer and air hissed out of his mouth as he exploded with gut busting laughter causing Dean to follow suit as his boys were looking at the wall behind him. John turned around to look towards the directions their eyes were pointed and there it was, His sneaker glued to the fucking wall.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME TO THE NUT HOUSE? WHAT IS IT? IS THERE A DUMBASS CONVENTION IN TOWN THAT I DON’T KNOW ABOUT?” On and on John bitched his boys out for being dumbasses.

Sam and Dean were never seen or heard from again.

JUST KIDDING

Discipline Censored.


	7. Thriller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a hunt at Neverland Ranch, Sam gets possessed by Michael Jackson's ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are a Michael Jackson fan, please know I meant no disrespect towards the King of Pop, I loved his music and his awesome dancing but come on, you have to know that this is funny especially when you throw him in with the Winchesters.

.

“Alright boys.” Announced their father. “We are going to L.A.” It seems we have a haunting of an unusual spirit and it is possessing people.”

“Possessing people.” Sam's voice raised an octave a hint of confusion lingering in the undertones. “But I thought demons were the only things that possessed people.”

Before their father could explain, Dean excitedly chimed in. “L.A. AS IN LAS ANGELES?”

“Yes Dean.” Answered their father as he heaved an exasperated sigh.

“Las Angeles is in California.” Explained Sam. He never failed to remind Dean that he was smarter then him. Hell, he excelled in everything and he is still excelling.

“I KNOW WHERE THE HELL LAS ANGELES IS SAMMY. I’M NOT A COMPLET IDIOT.” Yelled an insulted Dean shooting his little brother a glare. 

“Anyway.” Their father continued ignoring his boys little squabble. “I did some research on why these spirits possess. If they have some unfinished business, or refuse to move on after their death, they haunt but when a spirit that was obsessed with living forever while he was alive and dies suddenly like this one did, his haunting becomes possession. I don’t know how he does it just yet but I do know that salting and burning his bones will not work in this case. While this person was alive, he was obsessed with the cult. I don’t understand what all of this means but I do know we need to stop this spirit before he possesses anyone else.”

Dean jumping up and down clapping his hands like a kid who just got his heart's desire at Christmas time started to chant in a sing song voice. “We’re going to Las Angeles, We’re going to Las Angeles.”

“ALRIGHT DEAN, THAT IS ENOUGH.” Their father boomed becoming quickly irritated with his eldest son's over enthusiasm. They are supposed to be on a hunt, not on vacation. “Now I want both of you to pack your shit. We leave tonight.”

It took about three days to get to L.A. staying in one crappy motel after another.

“Uh dad,” Inquired Dean. “Where are we supposed to stay when we’re in L.A? I hear everything is expensive there.”

“I already talked to Bobby.” Answered John, his eyes trained on the road. “He got us some fake credit cards. They are useable. So we’re good.”

Dean sat back a satisfied grin stretched his lips. Then he playfully punched Sam in the arm. “We’re going to Las Angeles.” 

“Ow.” Complained Sam rubbing his arm. “Cut it out Dean. Why are you so excited? So, California is just another state.”

“Well, thank you scrooge. With an attitude like that, don’t be surprised if you get visited by three ghost around Christmas time.” Taunted Dean as he feigned hurt but Sammy knew better and he rolled his eyes as his response.

“Given our line of work.” Chuckled their father. “It’s liable to happen.”

“DAD, THAT’S NOT FUNNY.” Yelled Sam, his bitch face coming out full force.

“I think it is.” Laughed Dean as he knocked he knee against his little brother's.

Their dad chuckled at Dean's playful banter. Since the day their mother died at the hands of Azazel, (aka Yellow eyes,) Dean hadn't smiled much and he hadn't seen him this excited since before she was so cruely taken away from them.

Finally they reached the motel that Bobby had called and reserved for them. It was fancy. They ended up with a room overlooking the sparkling pool. Two separate bedrooms. One with a single bed that had a card with their dads alias name on it and a chocolate on his pillow. Dean ran to the other room, Sam followed slowly behind him. There were two queen sized beds with a card on them with their alias’ and a chocolate on each pillow. 

Dean popped a chocolate in his mouth and then he lunged for Sam’s bed and retrieved his chocolate as well. “Are you going to eat your chocolate?”

Sam gave a light chuckle. “Naw, you can have it.”

Dean immediately popped it in his mouth to keep the other one company, moaning obscenely reminding Sam of Billy Murry in the movie 'What About Bob?' 

Cradling a chocolate in each cheek, they sauntered gleefully into the living room. Well, Sam sauntered, Dean strutted; both of them froze in awe from the sight of it. It looked like it should be a place for royalty; A huge plush maroon sofa with twin chairs, that matched an oval throw rug in the front of it, a huge flat screen TV, tear drop chandeliers dangled from the middle of the ceiling, a huge fire place towards the left of the sofa and they even had a bar. That was something that caught Dean's attention the most. Of all the shitty motel rooms they had stayed in, they never thought they would end up in a place as extravagant as this. Dean made a mental note to pick up Bobby a fruit basket. 

They had a comfortable sleep that night for the first time in a motel room. Sadly they had to get up at six in the morning. Their father ordered room service since it was already added when Bobby made the reservation. “Can’t we take a look around at all the cool things they have to offer?” Asked Dean his eyes silently pleading. 

“We are not here on vacation, we are here to stop a ghost possession.” Chastised their father watching his eldest son's face fall into one of disappointment.

On the way there they saw a sign that said Buellton 4, Santa Ynez 3 and Santa Barbara 38. “So which way do we go now?” Sam asked as he tried to make sense out of the map he was reading. They haven't reached that part in geography in school just yet. That was their next lesson.

“We have to go through Buellton to get to the house.” Answered their father before he started grumbling about this ugly orange sign that says ‘Slow Traffic Ahead.’ “Hate when they have road construction going on when you want to get someplace.”

Sam had fallen asleep or dozed off because Dean kept him up all night asking him stupid questions are they going to meet any famous people like Madonna or the guys from the band such as Arrow Smith. On and on his big brother kept talking and wouldn’t shut the hell up so that Sam could get some sleep.

What came into view, put Dean in awe. He punched sleeping Sam in the thigh. “Ow,” Complained Sam, rubbing his invisible bruise where Dean punched him. “Cut it out man.”

“Look. This place is sweet.” Came Dean’s excited response.

Straight ahead of them was a gate with a round top and it appeared to be more like a midnight blue with gold streaks and two gold lions hanging in the middle of them. On the very top was a faded sign and all Sam could make out was the L in the beginning and D at the end of the faded words. It looked more like something you’d find out of a fairy tale but Sam kept that little piece of information to himself to avoid Dean’s ridicule of him being a girl.

Behind the gate was a beautiful winding drive. With flowers stretching on each side. The place looked well kept. “Do they have a gardener or something keeping the grounds like this?” Asked Dean, his wide eyes drinking in the scenery.

“I believe the word you are looking for is well manicured. Sam chimed in his educated know it all voce. "Is there a gardener keeping the grounds well manicured?” .

“Dude, could you be more gay?” Asked Dean with a huff.

“That’s the puzzling part….” Said John more to himself than anyone else.

“What, that Sam’s gay?” Dean interrupted earning himself a punch in the shoulder from Sam. "Ow, you prick."

“Quit being an ass.” Sam argued , anger coloring his voice.

“BOTH OF YOU NOW, SETTLE DOWN.” Their father boomed as he began to pull the car to a slow crawl through the open gate. “Now to answer your previous question about the grounds Dean, there is no one taking care of them. Yet the grass is freshly cut, the flowers are freshly planted but there is no one hear to do any of that.”

Finally he pulled the car up to the house. “Uh… Dad.” Observed Dean breathless with amazement. “This is not a house. This is a fucking mansion.”

“This place looks familiar.” Said Sam trying to search his memory of where he had seen this home before.

“Like in a dream or a premonition?” Asked their father, his eyebrows knit together in a frown. His son hadn't mentioned having premonitions lately. He assumed he quit having them.

“No…. I don’t think so….” Answered Sam. “But I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it somewhere but I just don’t know where.”

As they entered the mansion, it hit Sam all at once, “I REMEMBER.” Sam’s voice startled both Dean and their father.

“Dude, could you please warn us with your emotional outbursts?" Dean's heart palpitating in his chest like a wild beast. "Dad’s old and that right there could have caused him a heart attack.” 

John only smacked Dean in the back of the head in response.

“BUT I REMEMBER.” Sam’s eyes lit up with excitement. 

“What do you remember son?” Asked John, amazed that this was the first time his youngest son had shone any excitement since they left their home.

“I KNOW WHERE WE’RE AT?” Sam repeated, his body vibrating with excitement.

“Well don’t keep us in suspense,” Said Dean. “Where in the hell are we?”

“NEVER LAND RANCH.” Cried Sam, his face lit up with joy.

“Never Land as in Peter Pan?” Asked Dean confused.

“NEVER LAND AS IN MICHAEL JACKSON.” By this time Sam was jumping up and down clapping his hands.

Dean swiveled his head towards their father. “Dad, I thought we were suppose to be stopping a ghost possession.”

When their father didn’t answer, “Don’t tell me the ghost that is possessing people is the king of pop himself.” 

“Bobby didn’t tell me who’s spirit was possessing people," John admitted, his expression set with amazement "He doesn’t keep up with the tabloids on who’s dead and who’s alive in the entertainment industry.”

“I HAVE ALL OF HIS CDS AND I HAVE AN 8 X 10 AUTOGRAPHED GLOSSY PICTURE OF HIM.” Sam was ignoring the conversation between Dean and their dad.

“Wait, how did you get an autographed 8 X10 glossy of Michael Jackson?” Asked Dean now curious since Sam never leaves his sight and has always been more of a homebody.

“That’s when I sneaked out with a bunch of friends to a Michael Jackson concert." Sam blurted out, not thinking that he just opened himself up to Dean's relentless teasing. "When we didn’t have the money, we sneaked in. I had an 8 X 10 glossy of him I brought with me and asked if he would sign it.”  
“Wait.” Dean’s squeezed his temples while trying to process this information. “Is that the time our dad grounded you for a month?”

Sam eagerly nodded his head.

“So you risked pissing off dad so you could sneak out to a Michael Jackson concert.” Dean verified, he had to make sure he got all the correct information to tease Sam about it later on.

Again, Sam nodded.

“Now, I am going to ask this one more time…. Dude, could you be anymore gay?” Dean blinked, his face held a blank expression.

Sam ignored him and ran up the winding stairs.

“Damn it Sam….” Their father started but Sam was already around the corner and out of earshot.

Dean put his hand on their father’s shoulder. “Where ever did we go wrong? We tried to raise him right and he turns into a girl.”

Their father smacked him in the back of the head once again. “Stop being a smartass, we have to look for your brother.”

Dean rubbed the back of his head mouthing the words, ‘ow.’

They ran up the long winding stairs skipping every other step in time to see Sam running out of Michael Jackson’s theater room. “THE SEATS ARE STILL IN THERE AND LOOK.” He ran back into that room and sat in one of the seats. “THIS IS THE ONE THE KING OF POP SAT IN HIMSELF AND LOOK…. I’M SITTING IN IT. I know they don‘t care about us.” Sam sang gleefully.

When he saw their father and Dean staring at him as if he were a being from outterspace, . “It’s one of his songs.”

“Why did you choose that song to sing? Why not ‘Beat It or Billy Jean?” Dean shook his head in disbelief.

Now it was Sam and John’s turn to stare at Dean the same way. “I was flipping through the channels one day and saw it on MTV…. There was nothing else on….” More staring. " It was Michael Jackson’s top 20 countdown.” Dean defended.

No response just more staring.

“Let’s just find his fucking spirit so we can get the hell out of here.” Said Dean through gritted teeth. p>

As they left the room, Sam once again got excited. “HOLY SHIT, THERE’S MICHAEL JACKSON’S ROOM.” Then Sam disappeared into that room only to come out calm. “Uh dad…. I think we’re at the wrong place.”

“What makes you say that son?” Asked John quizzically staring at his youngest son.

“There’s nothing here. I don’t sense anything.” Sam lied.

They continued their tour of the place and the grounds but as Same pretended to predict, came up with nothing. 

Sam was standing next to Dean, face holding a calm expression and in a soft high pitch voice. “Shamone.” 

Dean was the only one that could hear him. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.” Same defended almost too quickly.

“No, no, no. You said Shamone. What the hell is a Shamone?” Pushed Dean not ready to give this up.

“Oh nothing, I was just thinking of one of his songs.” Sam lied again hoping that would pacify his brother.

Disappointed, They found nothing at the end of their tour.

“Let’s go back to the motel and pack." John signed and slummed his shoulders in defeat. "We’ll get a good nights sleep and we’ll leave early in the morning.”p>

“But dad," Dean whined. "can’t we go sight seeing? I want to meet some famous people.” .

“Dean, we are here on a job, not leisure." John barked, still a bit miffed that they made the trip for nothing. "Now, let’s go. We leave first thing in the morning.”

In a few days they arrived at Bobby’s. The younger Winchesters could hear their father talking about how they didn’t find anything. “Are you sure you got the right coordinates?” Asked John.

“I thought I was pretty sure." Apologized Bobby. "It doesn’t make since. I never mistake like that.” .

“Awe, don’t beat yourself up Bobby.” Said Dean. “Oh the plus side, we got to stay in this amazing sweet and we got to see Never Land Ranch. Sammy’s very excited about that.”

“Where is your brother by the way?” Asked their father, a curious expression painted on his face.

“Oh he’s out front. I’ll go check on him.” Offered Dean.

When he stepped onto the front porch. He saw something that made his blood run cold.

“Eeeheee.” Sang Sam as he did a Michael Jackson twirl ending it with a moonwalk.

Dean slowly shuffled back to where their father and Bobby was talking. John looked up to see his eldest son, face pale as if he’s either going to pass out or throw up. “What is it son?”

“It’s Sam." Dean said, his eyes wide. "I think something’s wrong with him.”

“What makes you say that?” Asked Bobby this time his voiced laced with worry.

“I don’t know but he’s been acting strange. He’s outside right now doing the moonwalk.” Dean’s voice quivered.

“Oh, he’s just excited that we went to the Never Land Ranch.” Then John looked over at Bobby with amusement. “Sammy idolized Michael Jackson.” 

“Yea but he’s good at it.” Dean Exclaimed earning him a quizzical stare from the two seniors. “SAM CAN’T DANCE.”  
“Well. We better start breaking out the holy water and the exorcism spell before he starts break dancing and making solid gold records.” Bobby teased, ending it with a chuckle.

“Come on Dean. Give your brother a break.” Exasperated John rolling his eyes. “There’s a lot of things we didn’t know about him like why he snuck out that night and the fact that he was always a huge Michael Jackson fan. Let him enjoy himself.”

Dean, still not convinced walked away to check on Sam again. “DAD. NOW SAMMY GRABBED HIS CROTCH, ARE YOU SURE HE’S NOT POSSESSED?”

Sam stopped horrified.

“DEAN, LEAVE YOUR BROTHER ALONE.” Called their dad from the other room. 

“BUT DAD HE’S…” Dean started once more.

“I SAID LEAVE HIM ALONE.” John yelled once again.

“Dean, I didn’t see you there.” Explained Sam, blushing with embarrassment.

“Are you sure Sammy or should I say Michael Jackson?” Dean spoke as he took one careful step towards his brother.

“Dean… it’s me…. Sammy…. Your brother.” Sam tried, his arms waving stressfully at his sides in a Sammy like manner.

“Yea… well… we’ll see.” Dean hissed quietly to where only Sam could hear him followed by a slight nod while he glared threateningly at his little brother.

They finally arrived at Bobby’s cabin where they usually would stay between hunts, Bobby had offered to take a look into this possession to see where he made his mistake and he came up empty handed. He’s pretty sure that they missed something and shit, they went in the day time instead of at night but that didn’t matter. The possession wasn’t prejudice on which time of day it took on a host and was his hearing correct? Did John say that the coordinates led him to the home of the King of Pop himself? Bobby decided to surf the internet on all the information he could find on Michael Jackson. He wouldn't say anything to John unless he knew for sure what the hell they were dealing with and how these possessions were linked to the ‘Man in The Mirror.’  
Sam was out behind the cabin doing his Michael Jackson twirls, crotch grabbing and moon walking.

John chose to ignore it because Sam grabbing his crotch just gave him the willies.

Dean was in Sam’s room rummaging through his things when he came upon something that peaked his interest. He grabbed the box Sam kept hidden under his bed.

“Dad look.” Dean was excited to find a clue to Sam’s strange behavior.

John searched through the box Dean held out for him. “It’s just Michael Jackson memorabilia.” Explained John ending it with a shrug on one shoulder.

“Yea but look.” Dean retrieved a card from the box and held it out for their father to view. “He was the president of the Michael Jackson fan club.”

“So, a lot of teenagers like Michael Jackson.” John chuckled batting Dean dismissively on the shoulder. “Now put those back where you found them.” And with that, Dean found himself once again, standing alone with Sam's Michael Jackson collection.

Dean’s excitement deflated. "If dad doesn’t believe me then I will have to find proof that Sammy possessed and I will fix it myself.” Dean mumbled to himself.

John called up Bobby. “Yea Bobby, I’m a little concerned about Dean. He’s obsessed about Sam being possessed by Michael Jackson’s spirit.” Then he listened to the voice on the other line. “No, I don’t think Dean is the one possessed because he’s still the same smartass he’s always been.” More listening to the voice on the other line. “Yea, I think maybe you’re right. Dean is jealous because Sam has always looked up to him and now he is replace by The King of Pop. Yea, thanks Bobby.” Then he hung up the phone.

Dean noticed that Sam stopped what he was doing, looked off in the distance like someone was talking to him. Then he made haste into the cabin.“Dad, can I have some money? There’s a real cool yard sale a mile down the road and I wanna have a look a maybe buy a couple of items.”  
“Well, let me see.” Answered John as he started digging into his pocket and fished out his wallet. “All I have are twenties. I don’t have anything smaller.” 

“Can I have one?” Asked Sam.

“Okay but bring me back the change.” Then he handed Sam the twenty dollar bill.

“Can I go too?” Asked Dean. There was no way in hell, he was letting his baby brother out of his sight.

“Sure, go ahead.” Answered John amazed that it was Dean who wanted to tag along with his younger brother not the other way around.

Sam only grimaced in response to that. Dean will ruin everything. How can he buy anything with his older brother looking over his shoulder? 

Dean walked over to Sam and swung his arm around his little brother's shoulders. “Come on Sammy boy. You and me are going to spend some brotherly time together.”

“It’s you and I.” Said Sam, not attempting to hide the heat in his voice.

“Well thank you MR Webster.” Replied Dean un phased by Sam's sudden change in mood. “Now lets go…. Where did you see this yard sale anyway?”

Without answering, Sam started to walk with Dean following close at his heels. 

A mile down the road, Dean found out that Sam was correct. “How’d you find out that there was a yard sale?”

“Someone told me.” Sam answered cryptically.

“Some one told you like Michael Jackson?” Dean accused leaning towards Sam as if he were expecting his little brother to give him the secrets of the universe.

Sam only rolled his eyes in response.

On the way there, Sam finally spoke up. “Why do you want to even go to a yard sale with me? Don’t you have something else to do like go to the bar and see which waitress would sleep with you?”

Dean knew his little brother didn’t want him to be tagging along but he also knew that he was in trouble and needed big brother to watch over him and keep him out of harms way. “Nope, I just wanna hang around my baby brother for the day.” Then Dean reached out and grabbed Sam’s head in a headlock and gave him a noogie.”

“Ow, cut it out man.” Complained Sam, flattening his hair down that Dean messed up.

To Sam’s excitement they had all kinds of Michael Jackson items from magazines to clothes for a cheap price.

Dean walked up to the lady that was in charge of the yard sale. “Why are you selling all of this stuff?”  
“Well, because we couldn’t afford the house payments. My husband got laid off and the bank is threatening to foreclose but we aren’t ready to move out just yet so we are selling all of our stuff to make the house payments.”

While Dean was distracted by asking that nice old lady about why she is having this huge yard sale, he didn’t notice Sam grabbing a bunch of L’Oreal makeup that were in sealed packages. He found a Michael Jackson Hat, a black sparkly Michael Jackson shirt jacket. High water pants that Michael Jackson wore in some of his videos, He found the sparkly socks he wore. He basically bought all of the clothes they had of Michael Jackson and Sam took them up to the lady.

She pulled out her calculator and started adding the prices of the items that came to $10.50 total.

“Your selling them awfully cheap.” Observed Dean. 

“Well, if we sold them at full price.” Explained the lady, “Then no body would buy anything. I see your brother is a huge Michael Jackson fan.”

“Yea, it’s like he’s possessed.” Dean pointed out.

“Where did you get all of this cool stuff?” Asked Sam amazed, ignoring his brother's remark.

“I bought them on e bay a couple of years back.” Explained the woman as she watched the brother's fondly.

When Dean had his head turned, Sam handed her the make up. “It’s for my girlfriend.” Sam's voice dropped to a conspirator's whisper to where only she could hear him.

When the lady didn’t respond, only quirked her eyebrows, Sam felt the need to further his explanation to avoid embarrassment. “Her Birthday is coming up and if my brother saw me buy that, he would tease me relentlessly on being a pansy for remembering her Birthday.”

The lady’s eyes shifted from strangeness to a look of sympathy. “I understand. Big brothers can be that way. If I had a daughter, I’d love for her to date you. You seem like a sweet young man but all I have are three sons who are grown now and have a family of their own.” Then she handed Sam back his change. “You boys have a nice day now.”

On the way home, Sam wrinkles his nose, bites his bottom lip, shaking his hand while doing another famous Michael Jackson dance and ending it with “Eeeheee.”

Dean stopped in midstep. “Dude.”

Sam froze in horror. Not realizing what he had just done. He had to feign innocence. “What’s wrong?”

Dean rolled his eyes and continued walking. He will not humor his brother this time.

When they got back to the cabin, their father was sitting on the sofa enjoying his beer. Sam handed him the change. “So did you both find what you were looking for?” Asked John.

“Sam found a bunch of Michael Jackson stuff but I didn’t find anything that interest me.” Dean complained lightly.

“Well, it’s good to see your brother excited about something instead of brooding all the time." John pointed out as a way of stressing that Dean needed to let his brother be. "I was beginning to wonder if he was suffering from depression.”

Later that day, John received a phone call from Bobby because his friend had found something about Michael Jackson and the occult. It seemed like in his thriller days, Jackson was into it quite heavy, spells were called on and chants were made to bind his spirit to a golden glove. Where people came to the Never Land Ranch even though he didn’t die there, it was his favorite place where his spirit resided and only possessed people that were there and he was never able to leave the property. When the possessed person left, his spirit was yanked out and confined back into Never Land. If a person were to find his golden glove that he had hidden in his bedroom and they took it with them, his spirit would be able to reside in that person’s body when they left the property. His spirit stayed wherever that golden glove was kept. The person didn't even have to be wearing it. They only had to have that golden glove into their possession.

Sam disappeared into his room and started rifling through his wonderful treasures. He slid on the sparkly shirt jacket with the matching pants, socks and the Michael Jackson shoes. 

Dean decided to go and check on Sam when what he saw scared the shit out of him. “Uh…. Sammy?” Heart thundering loud in Dean's ears.

Sam spun around from where he was putting on lipstick. He already had his face painted in make up and Dean had to admit, his little brother had done a pretty good job of it. Sam reached over on his bed and grabbed the black hat that Michael Jackson wore in one of his videos and with a girly shrug of his shoulders, gave a slight giggle. “What do mean Sammy? I’m Michael Jackson.” Sam cocked his right knee in the air doing another dance. 

Once Dean noticed when Sam giggled, his right glittery, gloved hand came up to rest on his bottom lip, his whole Sam demeanor was replaced by Michael Jackson’s and his Sam making faces and popping his mouth?

“No, you’re only Michael Jackson’s spirit in my baby brother’s body.” Dean's upper lip curled into a threatening snear.

“Now why do you have to go dissin’ a brotha like that? You’re just being ignorant.” Michael Jackson's ghost whined.

“Why’d you pick Sammy?" Dean asked, the hunter in him waiting in the balance for him to signal it to action. "What makes him so special that you chose his body to possess and not somebody else’s?” 

“I didn’t choose your brother. He chose me when he found my golden glove and took it with him.” Another girly giggle erupted from Sam's mouth. “You don’t consider your brother to be special?”  
“Only to me he is.” Defended Dean all humor had left him the second he felt something was wrong with his little brother. “So why are you possessing his body if you mean him no harm?”

“I died so suddenly, I was not prepared for it." Came Michael Jackson's poor response. "I was in the middle of getting ready to go on my This Is It tour and I couldn’t let my fans down. I have to finish that tour and I have to finish recording my unreleased songs.”

“You are not leaving in my brother’s body. I won’t let you.” Dean threatened, his knees bent in a hunter's stance.

“Does your brother have a super soaker?” Michael Jackson asked ignoring Dean’s threat. “Cause I only enjoyed super soaker. They are so much fun.” Then he shrugged his shoulders and gave a half squeak and half giggle.

“Nope, Sam grew out of those when he was fourteen.” Dean answered. He couldn't believe he was actually having a conversation with Michael Jackson. It was like a nightmare come true.

“Such a shame they didn’t have any at that yard sale we went to.” Michael Jackson continued as he studied himself in the mirror.

“SAMMY? ARE YOU IN THERE? SPEAK TO ME SAMMY.” Dean yelled grabbing both of his little brother's shoulders and shaking him. b.

“Hee,hee,hee. You’re silly. Sam’s not in here. This is me, Michael Jackson and I’m so glad he’s the one that found my golden glove. His skin is flawless. Even his nose is real.”

“OH HELL NO. YOU WILL LEAVE HIS NOSE ALONE." Dean boomed, blocking any path that Michael Jackson might try to pass, YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY ON MY LITTLE BROTHER’S NOSE. DO YOU HEAR ME?”

“Michael Jackson looked at Dean strangely. “I have no plans on harming this perfect nose. It’s beautiful. It’s the nose I always wanted now please… leave me be so I can rehearse. I don’t want to let my fans down.”

Dean left his little brother (aka the king of Pop.) and dialed Bobby’s number. “Uh…. Hi Bobby, can I speak to my dad?” Then he listened to the voice on the other line followed by a brief quietness as bobby searched for John. “Yea…. Dad…. I was right.” Dean’s voice was quivering now with heavy emotion. “Dad, Sam is really possessed. He found Michael Jackson’s golden glove at the Neverland Ranch and he has it in his possession. He’s going to take off with Sam’s body and go on his This is It Tour. Look dad, if you don’t believe me, I could take Sam to you so you could see for yourself.” More listening to the voice on the other line. “Alright. See you soon.”

Dean was standing gaurd outside of Sam’s room where he saw his little brother’s neck rolling from side to side as he brought up his shoulder grabbing his crotch while singing ‘Black or White’ and he had to admit, Sam sounded like Michael Jackson and is that a curl on the side of his face? Oh hell no, he had to act fast before he looses his baby brother forever.

Dean swallowed the massive fear filled lump in his throat. “Uh… Michael…. Your agent just called. He wants me to take you down to his office so that he could give you your This Is It tour itinerary.”

“Great. I can hardly wait.” Came Michael Jackson’s voice out of Sam’s mouth.

“Alright then. I’ll be taking you there myself." Dean lied effortlessly. "I offered and before you say anything, it would be my honor to take you there.”

Within the hour, they reached Bobby’s home.

“Oh gross. It looks so dirty.” Screeched Michael as he brought a handkerchief to his face, covering his mouth and nose as if the dirt itself contained a life threating virus.

“NO BODY COMPLAINS ABOUT MY YARD, NOT EVEN THE KING OF POP HIMSELF.” Bobby yelled as he marched heavily up to the impala.

“Oh I’m sorry. How rude of me.” Then Michael Jackson turned his attention back towards Dean. “Where did you say my agent was?”

“Right this way.” Answered Dean pointing his hand towards the inside of Bobby's house.

Once inside, they brought Sam to an empty room that was furnished with one single chair in the middle of the floor.

“Wait right here.” Instructed Bobby before briefly disappearing out of the room. p>

While Bobby was in the library retrieving the exorcism chant, he heard singing echoing from the other room. “YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY… YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY… EEEHEEE. YOU’VE BEEN STRUCK BY…. A SMOOTH…. CRIMINAL…. OW.” Then he ended it with crotch grabbing pissing off John as all hell.

“GET YOUR HAND OFF OF MY SON’S CROTCH YOU PERVERT.” Yelled John ready to lunge at the King of Pop.

“No, no, no. yall’s just bein’ ignorant." Michael Jackson pleaded in a girly voice. "I’m not grabbing your son’s crotch. I am possessing his body which means everything on this body belongs to me. I mean no body any harm. I just want to finish up my rehearsals so I can go on my This Is It tour and record my unreleased songs. That’s all, I mean your boy no harm.”

Dean walked in and tide Sam’s wrist to the arms of the wooden chair to keep him from leaving or dancing away. Then he slid off the golden glove and put it in a wooden box that had a protection symbol on it.

Now, Bobby, John and Dean stood around the outside circle of Sam's possessed body all chanting the exorcism spell simultaneously 

“What are you people doing? Why are you being so mean” Cried Michael Jackson as he tried relentlessly to pull himself free from the rope grimacing in pain.

All three men ignored him and kept chanting the spell. 

Sam’s head thrashed from side to side. “I will never leave this perfect body.” Then his upper lip curled up. “Shamone. Eeeheee.” On and on the King of Pop went until they saw gold dust expelled from Sam’s mouth.

“Uh…. Sammy?” Dean spoke carefully.

“Dean?” Sam responded, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Is that you son?” Asked their father as he took a careful step towards his youngest son.

“What the hell happened?” Asked Sam instead of answering his father's question.

Yup, It’s him. Confirmed Bobby nodding his head in the affirmative.  
“How can you tell.” Both Dean and John asked at the same time.

“Because. Michael Jackson would never swear." Bobby answered a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. "He considered it naughty. He wouldn’t even say hell.”

Both Dean and John stood staring incredulously at Bobby . “I looked it up on the internet. That’s how you find out if his spirit had left the host.

Sam looked down aimlessly at his strangely dressed form.. “Why am I dressed like this?”

“What do you remember son?” John asked ignoring his son's question for the time being. 

“I don’t know.” Sam tried to wrack his brain but came up with nothing.

A couple of hours later they went back to the cabin. Sam was in his room packing up his Michael Jackson memorabilia and that included his 8X10 autographed glossy picture and his Cds.

Dean walked into the room to check on his little brother. “Whatcha doin’ bro?” He asked as he bounced on Sam’s bed.

“Just getting rid of some stuff.” Answered Sam voice void of any emotion.

Dean noticed his little brother looked a little down. “You don’t have to get rid of everything Sammy. Just don’t go to the extreme like you did.”

Sam only shook his head. “Did you mean what you said?”

“What?” Asked Dean confused.

“Did you mean it when you said that I was special to you?” Sam continued on, hope lingering in the balance of his voice. 

“Well… Yea." Answered Dean, his eyes soft with compassion. "You’re my pain in the ass little brother and there is no one that can replace you.”

Sam sighed sadly as he averted his eyes towards his Michael Jackson memorabilia as he continued packing.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Dean concerned.

“I feel so dirty.” Sam shamefully admitted.

Dean looked down his shoulders shaking.

“WHAT THE HELL’S SO FUNNY?” Sam asked, his cheeks burning from anger.

“Nothing.” Answered Dean before his little chuckle turned into full blown laughter.

“DEAN.” Sam pushed, his shame morphing into irritation.

“Alright. It’s just that you got fondled by Michael Jackson.” Dean roared earning himself a slug in the jaw.


	8. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback from when Sammy was 12 and got himself lost or was he hiding?

Flashback

Once upon a time, John Winchester used to work for a construction site. Sure he still went on his hunts but that was only on the weekends. He was still looking for the yellow eyed bastard that killed his wife 11 ½ years ago but that’s a sad story for another time. Right now, he had to earn some money to take care of his two boys, Sam and Dean. Sam is twelve and Dean is sixteen. 

John Winchester was homebound, he had been given paid vacation leave because that was the companies’ policy, if an employee worked for an X amount of time without taking a vacation, the employer, his boss would be docked by the state. So John was given his two weeks paid vacation leave but as much as his boss hated to disturb him, he needed to know where John had put those files of their clients on something about a new home development. So hesitantly, John’s boss called the cabin where they were currently residing in.

Sam was hiding in the crawlspace of the cabin with the cordless phone phone clutched in his fingers when it started to ring and here was how the two sided conversation went. “Hello?” Came the small voice. 

“Is your daddy home?” Asked the voice on the other line. 

“Yes,” The small voice answered. 

“Can I talk to him?” The voice tried. “No.” Sam replied again 

“Well why not?” Asked the curious voice on the other line.

“He’s busy talking to the policeman.” Said Sam. 

“Can I talk with the policeman?” The other voice was getting a little tired of talking to the little boy. 

“No.” Sam said again. 

“Well why not?” The voice pushed, trying to get the small voice to comply with his request to speak with his father. 

“Because he’s talking to the fireman.” Sam smiled into the phone.

Then the voice on the other line could have sworn he heard a helicopter in the background. “Is that a helicopter I hear?” 

“Yes. They’re looking for someone.” Sam shifted slightly away from a rock that was digging in his side.

Now his dad’s boss was really starting to get worried. “Well who are they looking for son?”

 

“Me.” Came the giggly reply then Sam hung up the phone.

Sam could hear Dean yelling his name in the woods but this was way too much fun so he remained lying inside that crawlspace bemeath the cabin playing with his army guys. He saw the legs of the police officer walk past the crawlspace several times. Sam covered his mouth tightly with his hands to hold in his laughter.

Dean marched out of the woods, the sound of crunching gravel beneath his steel toed boots. “No sign of him dad. I’ve been all through there.”

“I wonder where in the hell could he be?” Asked their father more to himself than to anyone.

Sam ducked his head to get a better view of what was going on when he accidentally, got dirt on his lips so he responded by spitting it out when the kind policeman knelt down. “Well… Hey there son…. You’re brother and your daddy are looking for you. Don’t you think it’s about time you come out of that crawlspace to let them know you’re okay?” 

Sighing, Sam complied.

Dean's walk broke into a run, stopping in front of his little brother to check for any broken bones or lacerations and when he found none, it was time for him to get angry which he never did at Sammy often but shit, he scared the fuck out of him.

“WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU?” Yelled Dean, shaking his little brother to the point where his brains rattled.

John came up to rest his hand protectively on Sam’s shoulder. “NOW DEAN, LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS.” 

When Dean didn’t comply, John shot his eldest son with a warning glare causing him to bite off the words that were yet to come. Then John stepped in front of Sam, “WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU?” Yelled John as he picked up where Dean had left off shaking poor Sammy. “DO YOU SEE WHAT TROUBLE YOU CAUSED? THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER.” 

Sam’s bottom lip started to quiver.

Then the tall policeman knelt down in front of Sam making eye contact. You gave your dad and your brother quite a scare. They thought you might be injured or dead. You can’t go taking off on them like that without telling them okay little buddy?”

Sam nodded, his bottom lip still quivering as that nice policeman got on his CB to call off the search party.

Seeing the death glare in his father’s eyes, Sam tugged on the policeman’s sleeve causing he to kneel down to meet Sam’s eyes once again.

“Can you take me with you? I'll even go to Foster Care because I’m pretty sure after today, I’m going to be dead.”

The policeman just patted Sam on the head comfortingly, “Oh Son, he was just worried about you is all. Well… I bet that when we leave, he’s going to give you a nice big hug because he is so happy that you are found and safe.”

“Is that why he looks like a serial killer right now?” Sam fearfully pointed out, 

The policeman followed Sam's gaze then smiled, patted him on the shoulder and left Sam in the care of his pissed off brother and serial killer of a father. Once everyone was gone, there was hell to pay for Sammy boy.

Dean was the first to start. “ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW WORRIED WE WERE? DO YOU EVEN CARE. WE RAISED YOU FOR TWELVE YEARS AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US?”

Dean’s remark earned him a smack in the back of the head.

As John stepped forward, he noticed the cordless phone still in Sam’s hand.

“What the hell’s that? John hissed.

“Your boss called. Here you go.” Sam innocently handed their father the phone.

John dialed up his bosses phone number. “Oh no.” He said to the voice on the other line. “My youngest just decided to pull a prank on me. You’ll see it on the 6:00 news. Well sir, I don’t think it’s all that funny. Uh… Yea…. The files are in the top drawer of your desk. Oh, you don’t have to wish me luck sir, I’m about to only have to support one son. Uh… Yea…. I’ll just leave you to your laughing sir. Bye.” 

Now with his attention turned to Sam, it was time to make do with his threat so after a good three hours of him bitching his twelve year old son out, Dean was wearing a watch and he timed him.

Sam was never seen or heard from again.

JUST KIDDING.

Discipline Censored.


	9. Rock Salt Abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean decide to play with the rock salt guns and things get a little bit out of hand.

Sam was Sixteen and Dean was twenty. Their father was in town picking up some supplies. Sam on the other hand was in his room tinkering on his laptop while Dean was loading their guns with rock salt when boredom over took him and when that happens, trouble occurs.

Sam's eyes shifted upward only to see Dean standing in his bedroom doorway with two rifles. “What are you doing with those?”

“You and I are going to play a game.” Said Dean with mischief twinkle in his eyes.

“If it has anything to do with those guns, I’m not interested.” Inquired Sam before turning his attention back towards his laptop.

“Awe come on.” Dean whined as if he were five years old. “They’re only filled with rock salt.”

“Dean,.." Sam rolled his eyes up towards his brother. "Every time you get bored and come up with an idea and you end up getting us both in trouble.”

“Not all the time Sammy.” Dean defended holding that same twinkle in his eyes.

“Okay, let’s review, shall we?” Sam reminded him. It was almost as if Sam was the older brother and Dean was the bratty teen. "That time you blew the kitchen up when you tried to light the pilot on the stove with a flare gun?”

“That was only one time.” Dean argued, even though the memory brought a wistful smile to his lips. 

“Okay," It seemed that Sam kept a hidden list on all the things that went wrong with each of Dean's brilliant ideas. He needed to find that list and rip it up. "What about when you took that sky dive in the air in the motel room, breaking dad’s bed and I ended up physically paying for that brilliant brain fart?”

“Hey, you wanted to get drunk and if I recall correctly, you are the one that started jumping on the bed.” Dean threw into his little brother's face. "Those were two separate occasions." Sam hissed at his brother. "When I got drunk, I threw up after we had that belching contest. The bed incident was when I ate all of that powdered Koolaid. 

"Oh yeah." Dean nodded smiling at the memory

“Yes and you decided to show off and we ended up paying for damages." Sam continued, almost reminding Dean of John how he decided to point out his past mistakes. "Or when you tried to fix the toilet and your dumb ass took the toilet apart, then you tried to Elmer’s glue it and when dad came home and sat on it, he fell over. Do you remember how pissed he was?”

“Okay, that bit about the toilet." Dean pressed a fist to his mouth to stifle a giggle. "You are the one who stuck six of your GI Joe men in there clogging it up and overflow. I tried to save your ass.”

“Okay, you got me there." Sam relented giving Dean one point for not being completely at fault. "But what about when dad was away for a couple of days on a hunt and you decided to throw a beer bash? Dad came home and he was pissed, do you remember that?”

“Yea, I thought he’d never stop kicking my ass.” Dean grimaced and rubbed at the phantom pain on his right butt cheek. "Who knew he would literally kick me in the ass with his steel toed boot?"

"Yeah, same here," Sam mimicked Dean's actions on rubbing away the phantom pain their father's steel toed boot left imprinted on his memory. "Snd what about the time you decided to drive drunk and parked the car on the sidewalk across the street? I’m sure dad was real happy about that. Or when you decided to glue dad’s socks together? Or how about the time you came up with the stupid idea to glue our dad’s sneakers to the wall? Are you noticing a pattern here?”

“What, that you have been keeping track of all my screw ups?” Dean frowned angrily at his little know it all brother.

“No. That every time you come up with a dumb ass idea, it always backfires. It never fails.” Sam explained.

“Okay, since you’ve been keeping track of my stupid ass mistakes, let’s go over the ones you’ve made, lets see….” Taunted Dean putting his two fingers on his chin, rolling his eyes as if he were thinking. “You got drunk and fell into the bonfire, you got yourself electrocuted changing a light bulb in the bathroom and you got possessed by Michael Jackson’s ghost. You see Sammy, I’ve been keeping track also.”

“Then with all this happening to us." Sam was standing directly in front of Dean this time, toe to toe almost as if they were sharing the same breath. "And mostly we brought them on ourselves, who’s to say, this plan of yours isn’t going to back fire like all your other plans?”

“It’s called faith little bro." Dean cocked one of the rifles. "If we be careful, everything will be fine. Now, come on, please? I’ll give you the first shot.”

When Sam didn’t reply Dean continued, “Okay, let’s just call it practice for the hunt.”

That sounded reasonable enough so Sam reached out his hand, his fingers wrapping around the neck of the offered rifle. 

“So how do you play this game?” Asked Sam.

“It’s the same way as if we were playing paintballs." Instructed Dean. "We just point at each other and fire but we have to keep moving to avoid getting hit. Got it?”

Sam only nodded in response.

“Okay, lets go.” Said Dean as he lifted his gun and they both ran to each side of the cabin. Dean in the living room and Sam in the kitchen. 

Dean pointed the rifle at Sam and pulled the trigger, Sam ducked out of the way causing the rock salt to break the window behind his little brother. “Oh shit. I told you Dean. I told you that something like this would happen.”

“I can only hear you when you’re firing your rifle.” Dean twirled his finger around his ear feigning deafness.

If that’s how he’s going to be then fuck him. Thought Sam to himself. as he raised his rifle, and pulled the trigger, barely missing him and shattering a lamp into tiny shards.

“Ha, ha, you missed me.” Dean taunted. Blamo, Sam got him in the shoulder shooting Dean’s ass across the room. 

Alarmed Sam immediately ran over to where Dean was lying against the wall. “OH MY GOD, DEAN, ARE YOU OKAY?”

Dean looked up into Sam’s face, smiling that Cheshire cat smile, cocks his gun, Sam takes off and while he was running, he felt something hard hit him in the ass followed by a severe burn. Sam then grabs his butt cheek and hisses in pain but he never fell. Another shot, misses Sam’s shoulder by a quarter of an inch, creating a nickel sized hole in the wall followed by falling plaster. Sam took a dive underneath the kitchen table knocking a chair over creating a loud crash on the floor..

Dean sneak walking like Elmer Fudd in Bugs Bunny over into the kitchen behind Sam’s kneeling body. Another shot in the ass. “OW. DAMN IT DEAN, THAT FUCKING HURT.” Then Sam’s body shot up from beneath the kitchen table sending it flying onto the kitchen floor with a loud thud.

Dean didn’t miss the death glare in his little brother’s eyes slanted hazel eyes. “Oh shit.” Said Dean as he took off earning a bulls eye shot in his ass. “AAAAH, FUCK, SON OF A BITCH THAT FUCKING HURT.” Dean hissed.

Sam’s response was by laughter. “THAT’S IT LITTLE BROTHER, YOU ARE FUCKING GOING TO PAY.” Dean his in pain limping like a wounded animal, his fingers still clutching his injured ass cheek.

Sam’s laughter died on his lips and he took off running, barricading himself in the bathroom. Dean wouldn’t be stupid enough to break down the door and Sam realized, he was dead wrong in that analogy.

“SAY YOUR PRAYERS GEEK BOY.” Then Dean shot Sam in the shoulder sending him flying into the bathtub. 

“AHHH, DAMN IT DEAN.” Was Sam’s only response. Then he jumped out of the bathtub without allowing himself to recuperate from his shoulder wound.

Dean couldn’t believe how fast his little brother was able to spring to his feet. 

Dean ran into the living room. As Sam fired his shot, Dean jumped behind the old black and white TV causing it to fall victim to the rock salt that was meant for Dean. “HA, HA, YOU MISSED ME.” Followed by Dean sticking out his tongue like a four year old.

Pieces of the TV exploded all over the living room floor but the boys were so caught up in their little game that they failed to notice the destruction around them. 

Dean jumped up from behind the rickety TV stand because there was no longer a TV, aimed the rifle at Sam and pulled the trigger, Sam ducked behind the couch. Stuffing exploded everywhere.

The sound of wood breaking away, caused Sam to jump back, tripping over shards of it from the back of the couch. Landing on his ass, his rifle went off, sending rock salt through the ceiling causing plaster to rain down turning his hair dusty white.

Their father stepped into the front door, taking inventory of the destruction around him. Holes in the walls, Pieces of the couch, TV and the lamps lay all over the floor. Every fucking window was busted all but one, He could see the bathroom door was busted in. Then his eyes settled on his boys that were still in the middle of their game. Dean took an aim at Sam, missing by a long shot but getting their dad in his groin.

John pissed as all hell as both of his sons stood, horror painted on their faces. John bent over hissing in pain. Immediately after, he composed himself, walked over to both his boys, grabbed their rifles, The homicidal look in his eyes told Sam and Dean they had better run like hell.

“So you like to shoot each other with rock salt huh?” John’s voice was dangerously low. Then he cocked Dean’s gun, Aimed it at his boys. Both swallowed hard as they turned to run out the back door, their father running not too far behind them.

His boys took off for the woods not loosing John no matter how many turns they took. He fired rock salt one by one aiming at Dean, then Sam and back to Dean again. Not missing once. The sound of the rifle reverberated through the woods.

Both boys, as they are running, kept falling over each other as they felt something hard sting them in the ass followed by severe burning.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Winchester brother’s came up missing in the woods and were never seen or heard from again.

JUST KIDDING.

But, what they got was a rock salt spanking.


	10. Messing With Sasquatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchester trio goes on a hunt for bigfoot. When they find the gentle beast, Dean teases it relentlessly, John gets blamed for it and suffers the consequences and the Sasquatch falls for Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by the commercial "Messing With Sasquatch." I thought, what if this happened to the Winchesters?

The day after the Winchester brother’s got shot in their asses by their father over and over again, they had to pack up to go on another hunt. “Hurry up boys.” Called their father. “We have a long drive ahead of us. We‘re going to Orlando Florida. It seems there have been big foot sightings terrorizing the campers. Our job is to stop it and if needed, annihilate his ass.”

Dean and Sam came struggling out of their bedrooms. The way they walked, you would have thought they had hemorrhoids. Their father smiled in amusement as he watched his two boys, the pain evident in their faces.

They got in the car, wincing in pain as their hips bucked forward to avoid the seats contact with their asses. As their father drove on, both boys sat on only one side of their ass cheeks. “You keep sitting like that, you’re going to be mighty uncomfortable.” Mused their father.

They only glared at him in response.

It was a two day trip to get to their destination. It would have taken longer but the three men decided to switch places behind the wheel after so many hours so that the other two could sleep. They only stopped to get gas and to go to the bathroom and that was it. They brought food to make sandwiches.

Finally, They arrived at their destination. They were staying at the Days Inn motel. It wasn’t bad, just ordinary. Their father left them to unpack while he decided to get some take out. He was tired of living off of cold sandwiches and he knew Dean and Sam were too. Before he left, he gave them the you better not destroy a fucking thing or else you’re dead speech.

When he was gone, Sam decided to take a shower first. He was sure he smelled a little ripe from the long drive. Dean didn’t protest against who’s going to take a shower first. 

While Sam was bare ass naked, Dean went and grabbed a towel snapping his little brother’s abused ass cheeks. Sam’s hissed in pain. “OW, DAMN IT DEAN. THAT FUCKING HURT YOU ASS.”

“Sorry.” Chuckled Dean. “I just couldn’t help myself.”

The next day they went into the nearby woods

Their father was talking so some of the nearby campers that had encountered the beast. Each one of their descriptions were different than the others. “So what do you make of it?” Dean asked their father. “You think their making it up?”

“Not sure yet. They’re stories have at least one thing in common.” Observed John.

“Oh yea? And what’s that?” Dean asked again.

“The height, The height matched and judging by these foot prints," John squatted down to have a closer look. "I’d say they’re bigger than the average human beings. I’d say it’s worth looking into so get your camping gear out of the trunk boys, we are staying here until we find this big footed creature.”

“So you had this all planned out didn’t you dad?” Asked Dean.

“It’s the only way we’re going to find him.” Responded John.

After they got their gear out of the trunk, they set up their tents, Sam brough out his laptop.

“Hey geek boy.” Insulted Dean. “You know they don’t have the internet here and there is no plug in should you battery go dead.”

Sam looked dumbfounded as he put his laptop back into its case.

Dean chuckled.

“Okay boys, let’s go hiking.” Instructed their father.

“Any idea of what we use to kill this thing?” Asked Sam.

“Just regular rifles.” Responded their father. “Nothing special.”

As they were hiking through the woods, they heard the sound of crunching twigs as well as splashing water. They hid behind the nearest tree to have a closer look. Sam wasn’t hidden very well and this tall hairy creature noticed him right away.

Sam stood frozen as the creature stared him in the eyes from a distance then Sam’s right foot shifted to the side getting him prepared to run. John turned to his youngest son mouthing the words, ‘don’t move.’ Sam swallowed hard and nodded in response.

Dean took a quick glance at his younger brother to make sure he was obeying their father’s silent order. Satisfied that he was, Dean turned his attention back to the creature getting his rifle ready incase of any sudden attack.

The creature smiled and waved at Sammy. Dean’s eyebrows quirked up as he looked at their father in confusion. John only shrugged in response.

Then the creature blew Sam a kiss, making him feel uncomfortable as he swallowed hard. 

Dean giggled causing John to nudge him in the shoulder.

“Hey Sammy.” Whispered Dean.

Sam slightly turned his head towards Dean’s direction.

“I think that creature is flirting with you.”

Sam gave Dean the bitch face look in response to that.

When the creature finally turned around to leave briefly giving the Winchesters time to make their escape.

They were back at their campsite when Sam finally spoke. “Dad, what just happened back there?”

Before Sam could answer Dean spoke. “Yea, it saw Sammy and it didn’t try to kill him. Instead the beast was flirting with him.”

Sam gave Dean another one of his famous bitch face looks before responding. “I’ve read about this creature. I believe the proper termology is Sasquatch. Back in the 70s, they used to call them Bigfoot because of their big feet but as the years progressed, so did political correctness earning them the name they currently have now. From what I have read on them, they are gentle creatures unless you piss them off.”

“So geek boy, you finally met your twin.” Remarked Dean with a smile.

“Fuck you.” Sam barked.

“Now boys.” John gently chastised. “Sam’s right but you left out one little detail.”

“What’s that?” Asked Sam.

“We noticed that the Sasquatch was acting strangely towards you when he or she spotted you. I believe it has found its mate and when that happens, it becomes dangerously jealous of those around you. The Sasquatch does not believe in sharing its mate. it plans to keep its mate to himself or herself.”

Dean was snickering at that.

“What do I do to stop it?” Sam was getting nervous.

“There’s nothing you can do. He has already latched onto you.” Explained their father.

“Or She.” Dean corrected, snickering again.

Nightfall has come, Dean and John were in the tent while Sam sat by the fire reading one of his favorite novels when he heard twigs breaking from behind him. He leaped up into a fighting stance. To his surprise, the Sasquatch was standing before him, holding out wild flowers. “Uh, Dad…. Dean….” Sam’s voice takes on a shaky edge.“DAD. HELP ME.” 

The older Winchesters bursts out of the tent to where Sam was staring face to face at the Sasquatch. “Well…” Said their father. “At least we know it’s a male.”

“How can you tell?” Whispered Dean.

“Because if it were a female, she’d be more aggressive. A male is more gentle when claiming his mate. He’s not as forceful.” Explained their father.

The Sasquatch started shoving the wild flowers at Sam when he didn't move. Slowly he reached out and accepts the flowers. The Sasquatch growled followed by a smile before reaching out to pet Sam’s hair lovingly.

“Oh shit.” Said Dean. “He thinks Sam’s a girl.”

“Either that or the Sasquatch is gay.” Finished their father.

Then the Sasquatch pulled his hand away and shuffleled shyly back into the woods.

Once he was gone out of earshot, Dean laughter comes out full force followed by Johns.

“Sam, you sly dog you.” Dean breathed between laughter. He thinks you’re a girl.”

“I think your brother is right.” John agreed with a deep chuckle.

“What do I do?” Asked Sam, fear etched in his features.

“Well, we know he has no intention on hurting you." Their father assured him. "But you can not reject him, we don’t know what his temper is like. Right now he is trying to win your affection. You have to accept his gifts or you will offend him.”

“But dad, what if he makes me his bitch?” Sam whined as he swallowed thickly around the fear filled lump.

Dean fell to the ground holding his stomach from laughing so hard. John was struggling to respond with out cracking up himself. “Well, son, we hope to stop him before it gets that far.”

Sam’s eyes are wide with horror, his blood felt cold. “Dean walked over to him and put his arm comfortingly around his little brother’s shoulders. “Ahhh,” Cheer up Sammy boy. Now you have a date for your high school prom.”

Sam turned around a punches Dean as hard as he could just below the shoulder. Dean mouthed the words ‘ow.’ 

“Okay, let’s get some shuteye, we got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.” Instructed their father.

His boys complied.

The next day the older Winchesters stepped out of their tents staring in shock as the Sasquatch was handing Sam a fish he just caught.

Swallowing hard, Sam helplessly reached out to accept the fish. The slick body flopped in his mallet sized hand as it gasped for breath,Then the Sasquatch reached out to pat Sam on the shoulder almost bringing him down from the weigh of it Then reaches out and takes Sam’s hand pulling him down in a sitting position on a log in front of the fire. Sam fearfully complied. ‘no need to piss the gentle beast off.’

The Sasquatch sat down next to Sam, His big, giant, furry legs touching his. Sam tried to pull his legs closer together to avoid any type of physical contact with the beast. 

The Sasquatch swung his big furry arm around Sam's body causing the younger man to struggle not to fall from the weight of it, then he was pulled closer forcing Sam’s head to rest on his giant furry shoulder.

“A little help please.” Came Sam’s squished plea.

“I’m gonna go get washed up in the stream” Mumbled their father eager to get away from this awkward situation.

“So, when do you two kids plan to get married?” Dean mused but the laughter died on his lips when he saw his little brother struggling to breath. He knew instantly that he had to act fast or they will be burying his brother today.

Dean ran into the tent and retrieved some beef jerky from his duffle bag only to come out a second later holding it out in front of the Sasquatch. The Sasquatch then let go of Sam and reaches for the beef jerky. Dean slowly stepped back causing the Sasquatch to stand up reaching for that beef jerky. The asshole in Dean decided to take over and he started to tease the poor beast. You could hear the Sasquatch's growl from miles away into the woods and he and took a swing at Dean. Dean immediately ducked to avoid the violent contact then took a bite of the beef jerky in revenge, teasing the Sasquatch some more.

Sam jumped up from his sitting position retrieving the beef jerky from his brother’s taunting hands and gives it to the Sasquatch. “Hey.” Dean complained.

“Stop picking on him.” Sam chastised as he reached up to pet the gentle creature.

“Wow, it looks like your falling in love with him.” Joked Dean.

“And I think you are being cruel towards him.” Chastised Sam.

The Sasquatch tilted his furry head to the side purring beneath Sam’s touch although it sounded more like a growl than anything grinning ear to ear showing his sharp Sasquatch teeth. “He likes it when I scratch behind his ears. Kinda like a dog.” Sam explained.

“Does he have ears because I can’t see any.” Remarked Dean studying the beast more closely.

“I think he does because he can hear you.” Answered Sam. “You see, I’ve been studying him and he’s really not a violent creature and look what he can do.” Then Sam tossed a ball at the gentle giant and he caught it and tossed it back.

Dean quirked his eyebrows impressed at the display before him when an idea came to him. “You know, people would pay a lot of money to see him.”

Sam put his arm around the Sasquatch shoulder. “YOU WILL NOT TREAT HIM LIKE A FREAK IN A SIDE SHOW FOR FINANCIAL GAIN.”

“Dean put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, it’s just a simple suggestion.”  
Dean quirked his eyebrows impressed at the display before him when an idea came to him. “You know, people would pay a lot of money to see him.”

Sam put his arm around the Sasquatch shoulder. “YOU WILL NOT TREAT HIM LIKE A FREAK IN A SIDE SHOW FOR FINANCIAL GAIN.”

“Dean put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, it’s just a simple suggestion.”

“Well, you’re not going to do that to him.” Sam’s voice was much calmer but still had an edge to it.

They were sitting around the camp fire. Dean drank a few too many as did their father. Sam was on his third beer when Dean decided to become stupid.

Sam’s head jerked forward as he felt a flat handed smack to the back of it. Sam turned to give Dean the bitch look when the Sasquatch became defensive of Sam’s well being delivering a flat handed smack to the back of Dean’s head causing the older brother to fall face forward into the sand due to the heaviness of the blow.

After knowing that Dean was okay, Sam gave a satisfied smirk “IT’S NOT FUNNY.” Dean bitched.

“I think it is.” Then Sam lifted his beer to his lips, savoring the taste.

The next Day Dean decided to test the Sasquatch by tripping unsuspecting Sam causing the Sasquatch to retaliate on Sam’s behalf by kicking Dean in the shins since he was just standing there. Dean bent over to caress the invisible bruise that will soon make their presence known.

Just as he thought, Sam has his own personal body guard. He could have fun with this. Dean reached over into the cooler to grab a can of beer. Turning his back on Sam and the Sasquatch, he proceeded to shake it before handing it to the unsuspecting gentle giant. “go on.” Dean crooned. “It’s okay, it’s just a peace offering.

The Sasquatch reached out hesitantly and retrieved the beer. Dean indicated how to open it and to the furry beast’s anger and surprise, as the can was partially open, some air hissed out of it’s aluminum confinement followed by a sudsy spray in the face causing the Sasquatch to be pissed as al hell.

Their father came from behind the woodsy area just in time for the show. He was looking for a reception to get his cell phone to work. Nada When suddenly he was knocked backwards from a flying, flimsy lawn chair to the face. “WHAT THE….”

“The Sasquatch did it.” Dean interrupted.  
“That’s because you gave him a shook up beer causing it to spray in his face.” Sam intervened.

“HEY, I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO SPRAY.” Dean lied.

“YOU’RE AN ASS.” Came Sam’s angry retort.

“AND YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL.” Dean agued, a ghost of a smile caressing his lips.

“ALRIGHT YOU TWO THAT IS ENOUGH.” Their father boomed before Sam could come up with a brilliant come back. “Now, we are going to find out how to get rid of this Sasquatch once and for all. Remember we came here to stop him from terrorizing the campers.”

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO KILL HIM.” Sam put his arm protectively around the gentle giant.

“It’s like it’s hard to tell them a part.” Dean nudged their father.

“Dean, one more wise crack out of you, and you’ll see how pissed I can get.” Hissed their father.

Another time of the day, Dean walked behind Sam, reaching carefully into the denim waistband of his little brother’s jeans, finally his fingers made their connection to the waistband of his underwear.

Sam felt his underwear being yanked violently causing a burn in between his ass cheeks.

Watching Sam’s face was priceless as his little brother’s eyes water, face contorted with pain followed by his famous bitch face.

Sam swung around about to clock his brother upside his damned head when the Sasquatch stiffened into his defender mode. Oh shit, Dean thought before pointing towards their father’s direction. 

In response, the Sasquatch moved behind John repeating the prank Dean pulled on his little brother but do to the Bigfoot’s strength, He yanked John’s underwear all the way to the scalp of his head.  
John felt his underwear tear as the waist band of it stretched around his head causing him to be pissed as all hell.

“DEAN MADE HIM DO IT.” Yelled Sam before their dad could respond. “HE DID IT TO ME AND TOLD HIM YOU DID IT.”

PROVE IT.” Dean yelled back. “IN THE COURT OF LAW I AM INNOCENT UNTIL PROOVEN GUILTY.” 

“IN THE COURT OF YOUR FACE.” What the hell? That didn’t make sense even for Sam

“For a geek boy, you sure say the dumbest things.” Dean blinked.

“EAT ME.” Sam bit out.

“No, I’m afraid I’d make your little boyfriend jealous.” Dean bit back.

“YOU’RE JUST JELOUS BECAUSE I’M PRETTY AND YOU’RE NOT.” Wait…. That didn’t come out right and shit if that didn’t leave himself wide open for one of Dean’s lame ass jokes.

Dean started busting out laughing. “IT GOES TO SHOW….” Dean wheezed. “THAT YOU ARE INDEED A GIRL.”

“FUCK YOU.” Was all Sam could cleverly think of.

“BOTH OF YOU KNOCK THE SHIT OFF OR I’LL BEAT YOU TO OBLIVIAN.” Their father threatened. It was an empty threat because he’s already felt the blows of the Sasquatch temper thanks to Dean.

It was clear to John that he had to ditch this Sasquatch once and for all. Sam was getting too attached which wasn't healthy because the poor gentle giant wasn’t a dog.

John finally found his cell phone reception when he took the impala and drove down the road. He called Bobby about their little situation and Bobby told him that there was another Sasquatch in the area that was terrorizing the campers. A female one and if they were to find her, they would be free of the gentle giant. That sounded easy enough.

The next day, they went for an all day hike and to John’s surprise, there she was, getting a drink down the stream. The male Sasquatch growled causing the three Winchesters to jump. As the gentle giant made his way through the tall blades of grass in the woodsy area, he stopped, eyes locked on Sam’s, before he waved and turned away to meet his mate. 

Once the three Winchesters got back to their campsite, John decided to take a break by sitting down in one of the flimsy lawn chairs. Sam rested his fingers in the back of the lawn chair that was about to be occupied. Swiftly as their father was about midway between sitting and standing position, Sam jerked the chair out from under him. “He did it.” Said Sam pointing his finger at Dean.

Dean was never seen or heard from again.

JUST KIDDING.

Discipline censored.


End file.
